Thursday, December 17, 2009

G-MAN reviews Team Fortress 2 (PS3 port)

Platforms: PC, PS3, XBOX 360

Studio: Valve corporation

Publisher(s): Valve, Electronic Arts (PS3 port)

Genres: First Person Shooter, Online Multiplayer

INTRO: When I was raising money for a PS3, one game on my checklist of PS3 games was The Orange Box, but for one reason; Team Fortress 2. After watching the Meet The Team trailers, I knew that I had to get the game.

While I have yet to play the PC version (I don't even own a PC), & the PS3 port has received heated criticism amongst fans & critics, I'm going to review the PS3 port. Here are my thoughts.

PLOT: The backstory of TF2 (which there is little of) involves two rival holding companies, Reliable Excavation & Demolitions (RED) & Builders' League United (BLU), competing against each other in objective based missions. As far as I know, that's about it.

GAMEPLAY: The game is as exclusively multiplayer game. The players will play on either the RED team, or the BLU team. There are no deathmatch modes; only Capture The Flag, Capture The Map Points (where the BLU teams tries to capture points, while the RED team defends the points), & Defend The Cart (which I haven't gotten a chance to play, & I'm not sure if that's even in the PS3 version, so I can't explain that one to you). There are nine unique character classes to chose from, each of them separated into three categories; Offensive, Defensive, & Support.

The Offensive consists of The Scout, The Soldier, & The Pyro. The Offensive classes are, of course, the most skilled at attack the enemy's bases.

The Scout is the fastest of the classes, & the only character who can double-jump. He uses a scatter-gun, a pistol, & a baseball bat as weapons. The Scout is probably the best class for stealing intelligence (which serve as flags in a "capture the flag" mode), but he's really weak, so he's not the best character for combat.
The Soldier is one of the more durable classes, but he's slower. His weapon consist of a rocket launcher, a shot-gun, & a shovel. If you know what you're doing, The soldier can be one of the most dangerous classes on the battlefield.
NOTE: While The Soldier is listed under the Offensive classes, he's more effective with Defensive strategies.
The Pyro is a thug wearing a gas-mask & a flame-proof suite. He uses a flame thrower, a shot-gun, & an axe as weapons.
NOTE: The Pyro is weak, slow, & his flame thrower has a very short range, so he's best used for ambushes, making him more effective with Defensive strategies, despite being list under the Offensive classes.

The Defensive consists of The Demoman, The Heavy, & The Engineer. As their name suggests, the Defensive classes are best used to defend their team's base.

The Demoman is a hard drinking, black Scotsman with an eye-patch. He uses a grenade launcher, a sticky grenade launcher (which are remote detonated), & a whine bottle as weapons. NOTE: Although The Demoman is listed under under the Defensive classes, he's a lot more effective as an Offensive player.
The Heavy is a lumbering Russian who's so obsessed with guns, that he actually names his weapons. His weapons are a mini-gun, a shot-gun, & his fists. He's probably the strongest class, but he's easily the slowest class as well.
The Engineer is a calm "good 'ole boy" Texan with an interest in machines. His weapons consist of a shot-gun, a pistol, a wrench, & a set of blue prints to build mounted guns (Sentrys), health/ammo regenerators (dispensers), & teleporters. He's not really good at combat, though.

The Support consist of The Medic, The Sniper, & The Spy. The Support characters requires a lot of thought put into their strategies, due to them being weaker than the other characters, both in the categories of weapons & health.

The Medic is a psychotic German, & is capable of healing the various members of his team. His weapons are a needle gun, the Ubercharge (which isn't a weapon, it's used to heal teammates), & the bone saw. However, The Medic is best used to defend your team's base, & not attacking the enemy base.
The Sniper is an Australian hit-man, who is, of course, highly skilled at sniping. His weapons include a sniper rifle, a sub-machine gun, & a machete. The best strategy is, obviously, to pick off enemies from a distance. Your ideal targets would be enemy Heavys, & enemy Medics (especially when they're trying to heal their teammates).
The Spy is a masked Frenchman, who's skilled at sneaking, & disguising himself. His inventory includes a revolver, a pair of butterfly knives (if you stab someone in the back with those, you get an instant kill), a sapper (used for taking out an enemy Engineer's creations), a disguise kit, & an invisibility cloak.

What makes TF2 so great is how different each class is. Because of the characters' advantages & disadvantages, this makes teamwork a must, thus making the game a lot more unique than other games.

DESIGN: As said before, the variety of the characters is what really defines the TF2. Much like Sly Cooper 2, every character is a different experience from the other characters. It's fun to ambush people as The Pyro, or to steal enemy intel as The Scout, or to gun people down from a distance as The Sniper, or to backstab enemies as The Spy.

I also really love the retro art design. When looking at it, it's hard not to think of Pixar's The Incredibles (I get the impression that that was on purpose).

However, there are some technical problems with the game. Occasionally, the game lags.... badly. But that's not the biggest problem with the game. The biggest problem is that sometimes, the game will randomly freeze for a few seconds, & go back to the main menu, where it read; "Lost Connection". Thankfully, this doesn't seem to happen often.

The Teamwork Aspect Is Perfect
Great Art Design
Loads of Variety


IN CLOSING: While the glitches can be annoying, if you have a PS3, TF2 is still a must-have. It's my favorite multiplayer game, &, in my opinion, the cartoonish art style, the espionage, & focus on teamwork actually, almost, makes this the FPS equivalent of Sly Cooper. In fact, if there never is a new Sly game, I'd still be happy with TF2 as the substitution. As crazy is that sounds, I'm serious! To me, this is the perfect substitution for Sly Cooper!

10 / 10

G-MAN reviews Uncharted 2: Among Theives (PS3)

Platform(s): PS3

Studio: Naughty Dog

Publisher(s): Sony Computer Entertainment of America

INTRO: When raising money for a PS3, I was going to buy Uncharted: Drake's Fortune. However, the sequel, Uncharted 2: Among Thieves, looked so great, that I couldn't wait out for it. Anyway, here's the review.

PLOT: The game centers around fortune hunter, Nathan Drake (a possible descendant of Sir Francis Drake). The game starts with him looking for Marco Polo's missing fleet, but, he ends up going to Nepal, looking for Shambhala.

While the characters are very memorable (most notably Drake), & the script is great, the story itself isn't at all memorable. Do you remember how ROCKY III had great characters, but the story itself was kind of boring? Well, it's kind of like that here.

GAMEPLAY: The game is a third person shooter, similar to Gears of War. The game takes use of covering in blind fire, over-the-shoulder shooting, & climbing.

There are total of four things you'll do in the game; shooting, climbing, puzzle solving, &, rarely, sneaking past guards.

While the game is addicting, I didn't really enjoy the puzzle scenes (namely because the shoot out scenes were so much fun), nor the stealth scenes. Thankfully, the stealth scenes were rarely in the game.

But what really makes Uncharted 2 worth while is the online multiplayer. While not as good as Team Fortress 2 (which I will review soon), it will keep you playing for weeks. My favorite aspect of the multiplayer is the machinma tools.

DESIGN: Uncharted 2 features some of the best graphics I've ever seen, & probably the best graphics currently on the market.

The sound effects are perfect, though the music is kind of bland.

The controls controls are perfect, & the hand-to-hand combat kicks more ass than Chuck Norris in every single episode of Walker: Texas Ranger.

In other words, the design is awesome.

Great Characters
Awesome Shooting & Hand-to-Hand Combat
Addicting Multiplayer
Machinima Tools
Sound Effects Are Perfect
Some of the Best Graphics Around

The Story is Boring
The Puzzles Distract From The Action
The Stealth scenes Are Out of Place
The Music is Bland

IN CLOSING: This deserved the Game of the Year award that it won! The online is great, the single player is great, & all the flaws seem very minor! This is tied with inFamous as my number one favorite game! Don't miss it!

10 / 10

Monday, November 30, 2009

G-MAN reviews inFamous (PS3)

Development Studio: Sucker Punch Productions

Publisher(s): SONY Computer Entertainment

Platform(s): PS3

Release Date(s): -May 26, 2009 (US)- May 29, 2009 (Europe)- June 4, 2009 (Australia)-

I get the impression that I'm one of the few people who hyped inFamous from the very announcement. In fact, a few weeks before E3 2007, I heard that Sucker Punch was going to announce a "mystery project" at E3, & I was watching E3, wondering "WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY MAKING?!?" So, you could say I was hyping the game before it was even officially reviled!

So, after finally getting a PS3, I played inFamous all day & all night. Here's my review.

STORY: The story of inFamous involves Cole MacGrath, a bike messenger & experienced urban explorer, delivering a package. But suddenly, the box explodes, vaporizing everything within a six block radius, except for Cole. The city goes into chaos, & Cole gains electric based superpowers. At first, he & his buddy, Zeak, try to escape the quarantined city. But Cole then makes a deal with the government to find a missing scientist, John White, as well as the source of the explosion.

Over the course of the game, the story becomes somewhat of a Consequentialist piece. This helps make the game's story a lot more interesting, & shows that Sucker Punch is capable of a mature story. In fact, it's the best story that I've ever seen in a game.

GAME PLAY: The game is set in an open world consisting of three islands, that, of course, are unlocked as progress through the game. There are no vehicles to drive in the game, but a running along rooftops beats stealing a car any day.

Veterans of the Uncharted series should feel right at home with the shooting (or zapping) mechanics. It's a similar control scheme.

One problem I have is that the game's really short. It's 39 story missions long (43 if you include the two tutorial levels, & the aftermath). Also, I beat the game within three days of getting it, & another three days on my second play through. Honestly, I feel that 39 story missions in a sandbox game just doesn't cut it; especially when the game is this good.

DESIGN: The climbing is great. As I mentioned before, running across buildings is a lot of fun. Sucker Punch wasn't lying in the interviews when they said; "If it looks like you can climb it, you can climb it".

The music is really eerie, & I'm disgusted that it wasn't nominated for a VGA in the "Best Score" category.

One problem with the design is that the AI feels like a PS2 game's AI, just with HD graphics.

Mature & Impressive Story
Great Characters
Great Gameplay
Great Controls
Climbing Mechanics
Amazing Music

AI isn't that impressive
Too Short

IN CLOSING: If you have a PS3, but you don't have inFamous, then what the hell are you doing? It's a must-have! And I never thought I'd be saying this, but this has replaced Sly 2 as my favorite game of all time!

G-MAN gives inFamous a "Perfect Ten" out of "Ten"!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Announcements: 11/23/09

Wow! It's been a while since I last posted here! Now, I've got three four to say, so here it goes.

First, my review of "A Christmas Carol" starring Jim Carrey.

If you’ve ever read the book, or watched any movies based off of the book, then it’s pointless explaining the plot, so I’m just gonna get to the review.

First, the animation is really good. The voice acting is also pretty good, & I’m glad that they didn’t dumb the film down by making the characters talk like people today; the way people speak in the film is really old fashion.

However, I feel that the 3-D was useless, & only a few scenes took advantage of the Real-D 3-D. And while Jim Carrey is good as the role of Scrooge, he isn’t as good as Patrick Stewart, George C. Scott, or Alastair Sim, in other adaptations. Also, there not much new or innovative with this version (but considering how we have a modern re-telling with Bill Murray, & a Muppet adaptation, I'd say we've ran out of ideas for the story anyway).

Overall, it’s worth seeing, but see it under matinée price, because you know what you're gonna get. It'll also probably get a G-MAN Award nomination for Best Animated Film.

Final score: 7 / 10

Also, on October 26th, I finally got a PS3! That kind of explains why I've been absent recently.

Third, I got inFamous & Uncharted 2: Among Thieves. Expect reviews of both games in the near future.

And fourth, as you might know, both inFamous & Uncharted are being made into movies, with Spider-man & X-men producer, Avi Arad, behind both of them. I'm looking foreword to both of films (particularly Uncharted, considering that it almost is a movie to begin with, so it's only logical making it into a movie). And recently, on the Sucker Punch forums, the users & I have been brain storming casting (and, for Uncharted, director & composer) suggestions for the films. There have been interesting ideas, & some time in the future, I'll post casting ideas for both films.

So, I'm not abandoning the blog, I'm just taking a break. Goodbye.

Friday, September 11, 2009

G-MAN reviews "Inglourious Basterds"

So I finally got to see Quintin Tarrantino's latest war epic, "Inglourious Basterds". But before I start, I want to ask something: what is up with that title?!? Was there a censorship problem? Were the filmmakers threatened with lawsuits because it bared a similar title to a 1970s Italian war movie (which was also Tarrantino's inspiration for this film)?

"Inglourious Basterds" tells multiple stories (that are tied up together in the end, of course). The title characters, The Basterds, are a group of vengeance seeking Jewish-Americans lead by Aldo "The Apache" Raine (played by Brad Pitt). Their basic goal is to go around Nazi occupied France & spread fear into the hearts of the Nazis, through, as Aldo describes it as, "an apache indian style revolution".
Oddly enough, despite the fact that The Basterds are the title characters, they aren't the film's focus. The film's main plot involves an escaped Jewish girl, Shosanna Dreyfus (played by Mélanie Laurent), who opens a movie theater in France. But when she's offered to hold the premiere of a Nazi propaganda film, she takes advantage of the situation (I'm not gonna spoil it, but I think that you know what she's gonna do).

First off, this is the closest thing I've seen to 60s / 70s movie in a long time. The cinematography, atmosphere, dialog, soundtrack, & even the title sequences scream 70s movie.

And while I'm on the subject of the soundtrack, I'd like to mention my thoughts on the music. There doesn't appear to be ANY original music in this film, which that works quite well here. The use of Ennio Morricone is perfect. Also, the film has the strangest (& that's saying a lot!) use of David Bowie music I've heard in a film.

Acting wise, the film was great. The best actor in the film was, with no doubt, Christopher Waltz as the main Nazi, Hans Landa. This is a great villain. He's not at all over the top. He's calm, & yet really intimidating. Undoubtedly a contender for Best Supporting Actor.
But the funniest actor was Brad Pitt as Aldo Raine. At first, I thought he was doing his worst John Wayne impersonation, but then I realized that he was parodying George W. Bush. No joke! Just watch the movie, & you'll see what I mean!

I'm also glad that it wasn't as violent as I expected (though that's not saying much). Normally, I hate gory movies, but this didn't focus on the violence to much.

The pacing was perfect. It was two-and-a-half hours, but the story was engaging enough that I lost track of time. In fact, I was hoping that the movie would be a bit longer. It was THAT entertaining!

There are only two flaws that come to mind. First, The Basterds are the best characters in the film, & yet they're not in the film as much as you'd hope.
Second, this isn't a problem with me, but I know that a lot of people will be irritated by the aspect of the film. All I can say without spoiling the film is that if you're a fan of historical accuracy, you're gonna hate this film with a passion.

Feels like an old movie
Great pacing
Great acting
Awesome soundtrack
Light on the gore

The Basterds aren't in the movie that much
Historically inaccurate (I don't have a problem with this apect of the film)

IN CLOSING: I actually enjoyed this more than "District 9". "District 9" is a better movie overall, but I found this to be more satisfying. I just hope that Tarrantino doesn't make a prequel like I've heard. Other wise, that would really ruin this film.

G-MAN gives "Inglourious Basterds" a "Perfect Ten" out of "Ten"!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

G-MAN's Soapbox: Disney Buys Marvel Comics

As you probably know, Disney has bought Marvel Comics for $4 billion dollars. Here's the Cinematical article.

"It's a shocking deal no one saw coming in a million years. According to an official press release from the Walt Disney Company, Disney has bought Marvel Entertainment for the hefty price of $4 billion. Under the deal, Disney gains control of more than 5,000 Marvel characters, and Marvel gains their massive marketing infrastructure.

"This transaction combines Marvel's strong global brand and world-renowned library of characters including Iron Man, Spider-Man, X-Men, Captain America, Fantastic Four and Thor with Disney's creative skills, unparalleled global portfolio of entertainment properties, and a business structure that maximizes the value of creative properties across multiple platforms and territories," said Robert A. Iger, President aof The Walt Disney Company. "Ike Perlmutter and his team have done an impressive job of nurturing these properties and have created significant value. We are pleased to bring this talent and these great assets to Disney."

--Elisabeth Rappe, Cinematical

My thoughts on it? To tell you the truth, even though this is Disney, the same people who are responsible for the current teeny-bopper craze (which I hate the craze with a passion), I don't think that we need to worry.

I mean, Disney owns Miramax, & Miramax has released Tarantino films like "Pulp Fiction" & "Inglorious Basterds", & Disney hasn't interfered with those films. Also, TouchStone pictures is a studio that was made to release films too inappropriate for the Disney name.

IN CLOSING: People need to calm down about this. If Disney hasn't messed Miramax, or TouchStone, then I don't think that we need to worry about this.

This is "The G-MAN" signing out!

Friday, August 28, 2009

G-Man's Soapbox: Another Remake!

Rob Zombie is remaking "The Blob".

Oh, Robert "Zombie" Cummings, in there anything you won't remake? According to Variety, Rob Zombie is working on an R-rated $30 million dollar remake of the 1950s cult classic.

The original, starring Steve McQueen, is about a man-eating red goo that lands in a field, & terrorizes a small town.

Zombie describes his remake as "My intention is not to have a big red blobby thing -- that's the first thing I want to change...that gigantic Jello-looking thing might have been scary to audiences in the 1950s, but people would laugh now."

Robert Bartleh Cummings....., you're on crack. Not only has the film already been remade, but if you don't make it a "big red blobby ting", then it's not The Blob! It's a wannabe that's been labeled "The Blob"!
Besides, if it's not gonna be a jell-o monster, then what's it gonna look like? Oh, wait. I think I've figured out the design... a white trash killer! Just like Michael Myers in Rob Zombie's "Halloween"!

Also, you HAVE to keep the theater run-out scene.

(Blob-Fest 2009 run-out)

Also, why even remake it? We've already got two great Blob films; the 1950s original & the 1980s remake, so why remake it again? And of all people, why Rob Zombie? It sounds like a parody! Rob Zombie's "The Blob"! How can you not chuckle as the sound of that?

Rob Zombie, this picture is dedicated to you.

This is "The G-MAN" signing out!

Thursday, August 20, 2009


Reelz channel has finally realized that people are sick of "The Two Bens" (am I the only one who thinks "The Two Bens" sounds like a 1970s R&B-Soul group?), & that enough is enough. The two hacks, Ben Lyons & Ben Mankiewicz, have been fired from At The Movies! Starting September 5th, 2009, the show will be taken over by A.O. Scott & Michael Phillips.

(A.O. Scott) (Michael Phillips)

Personally, I wish they would have picked Leonard Maltin & Peter Travers, but A.O. Scott & Michael Phillips are a great choices too.

(Right: Leonard Maltin) (Left: Peter Travers)

I know that I've had problems with Michael Phillips, but a lot has changed since I complained about him in my At The Movies review (more like a rant). I've grown to find him a lot more trust worthy in his reviews (even if you don't like him, you've got to admit that he's a lot more reliable than "The Two Bens").

That's all I have to say. I just wanted to let you know the good news. This is "The G-MAN" signing out!

G-MAN reviews "District 9"

I finally got back from seeing the eagerly anticipated District 9, & did it live up to the hype? No. IT SURPASSED IT!

Just to warn you, I'm gonna be very restrictive in this review. Seeing how the film's marketing has been very mysterious, I don't want to give away any spoilers.

The film takes place in Johannesburg, South Africa, were in the 1980's, an alien ship breaks down & just hovers over the city. The government decides to let the creatures stay, but due to riots & paranoia, the creatures (dubbed as "prawns") are forced to live in a slum called District 9.

Fast forward to the current day. An office clerk by the name of Wikus van der Merwe working for a weapons research company MNU (Multinational United) is chosen to lead a team relocating the creatures. But things go awry when Wikus is exposed to alien technology, & MNU try to study him (remember, I'm trying to avoid spoiling it).

What's great about this movie is the character development. The appeal of Wikus is that he's a normal guy, & not a Jason Statham type of character. I was also surprised to find that the aliens are also very well developed characters.

This movie reminds me of the 1970s pre-Star Wars sci-fi films. What I mean by that is some of the fictional technology looks futuristic, but everything else looks very 1970s (or in this case, everything else looks very 2000s).

It's also very effective having parts of film being presented as a documentary.

My only problem with the movie is that there's a vague anti-capitalist feel to it. It's not really anti-capitalist as much as it is anti-greed or anti-corruption, but seeing how I'm a huge fan of capitalism, I do have problem with this. To everyone who hates capitalism, three words: "Read Ayn Rand!"
Although, seeing how the film is more anti-greed & anti-corruption than it is anti-capitalism, I'm willing to forgive this aspect of the film.

But to any parents who might be taking their kids to see this, expecting it to be an alien movie that kids will enjoy, I highly recommend that you change plans about bringing your kids (that is if they're under 14-years-old). This movie is rated "R" for a good reason.


Great Story
Great Characters
Great Action
Great Special Effects
Old School Sci-Fi
Documentary Style Scenes Are Very Effective


I Don't Like The Vague Anti-Capitalist Themes (Minor Flaw)

OVER ALL: This film is up there with the original Planet of the Apes movie, & I think it'll go down in cinema history being as well regarded as that classic. Not only that, but it's also this year's Dark Knight. Check it out!

G-MAN gives "District 9" a "Perfect Ten" out of "Ten"!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

G-MAN reviews "Harry Potter 6" (VERY short review)

Before starting, I'm gonna warn you that this is going to be a rather short review. I'm extremely busy this summer, so don't expect to me to be posting a lot of articles as often as I usually do.

"Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince" is the sixth installment of the highly successful Harry Potter film franchise. As the young wizard-in-training, Harry Potter, goes through his sixth year at Hogwarts, the Death Eaters (the followers of Voldemort) send out Draco Malfoy (a student of Hogwarts) to kill Hogwarts headmaster, Albus Dumbeldore.
Meanwhile, Harry finds an old potions book that used to belong to someone called "The Half-Blood Prince".

The pacing in this film is really well done. The movie is around two-and-a-half-hours long, but it doesn't feel that long. In fact, the movie went by faster than I expected.

Danial Radcliffe as Harry has certainly improved his acting in this film. And Alan Rickman is also great (when does Alan Rickman NOT give a good performance?).

OVER ALL: This is the best film in the series sense the second film. And it's probably the best film so far this summer. Check it out!

G-MAN gives "Harry Potter 6" an "Awesome Nine" out of "Ten"!

Friday, June 5, 2009

G-MAN reviews "Star Trek" & "UP"

I haven't been updating very often recently (due to health reasons), so to make it up to all of my readers, I'll review two movies in one post. I'm gonna have to make both reviews very short, because I'm very busy. Here's the "Star Trek" review.

As you probably know, this new Star Trek movie is a reboot of the original series, & it's about James T. Kirk, Spock, & others starting out in star fleet. But that's just the back story, the main plot involves the Romulan, Captain Nero, coming back in time to prevent the destruction of his home planet, as well as trying to seek revenge before his planet's destruction even takes place.
Now, it's up to the enterprse crew to stop him.

When I went to see J.J. Abrams' "Star Trek" reboot, I decided NOT to do a recap of the original series. I felt that if it's a good movie, it should appeal to people with little-to-no knowledge of the original series. And, despite not being an expert on "Star Trek", I loved this movie. The characters were well developed, the story was interesting, & the special effects were some of the best effects I've seen this year.

8 / 10

Pixar's "UP" is about Carl Fredricksen, an old widower, who, in honor of his wife, ties balloons to house & fly to South America (his wife's dream was to move to South America). Although, a cub scout named Russell stows away in the house as it flies off, thus leaving Carl stuck with the kid. When they get there, that's when the film really gets entertaining (particularly the talking dogs).

Over all, this was another great animated movie from Pixar. The story was well written, the characters are equally well written, the animation was good, & the 3-D was pretty well done. Though I still like Neil Gaiman's "Coraline" a tad bit more, this is still worth going to the theater to see it.

9 / 10

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

G-MAN's soap box: "UP" is the kid's version of "GRAN TORINO"

I recently got back from seeing Pixar's "UP" (which I'll review soon), & when I was reading Cinematical, there was an article comparing "UP" & "Wall-E". My reaction was; "if anything, they should be comparing this to Clint Eastwood's GRAN TORINO". How? Easy. It starts out with an old guy's wife dying, he becomes the neighbor hood grouch, meets a kid (not like a teenager, as in a little kid), & at the end, the old guy lightens up (only the ending here isn't tragic).

IN CLOSING: As you might of guessed, I did this out of boredom. That, & I haven't seen anyone compare this to "GRAN TORINO", even though I find the similarities painfully obvious. Well, that's about it.

This is "The G-MAN" signing out!

Saturday, May 9, 2009

G-MAN reviews "Wolverine"

Why did they cal it "X-MEN Origins: Wolverine" anyway? Couldn't they have just called it "Wolverine"? Did they really think that we couldn't tell which Wolverine they were talking about? But moving on, I'm sorry for taking a while to review the film, but I've been really sick, & when I wasn't sick, I was busy with a student film. Here's the review.

As assumed, "Wolverine" is a prequel to the "X-MEN" trilogy. Hugh Jackman, once again, plays Logan (Wolverine), & Liev Schreiber plays Sabertooth, Logan's older brother & arch nemesis. The film starts out in the 1840s with Logan & Victor (Sabertooth) running away from their Canadian home, because Logan killed the man who is revealed to be their father.
Through out the film, they both fight in all the major wars such as the Civil War, World War I, World War II, & the Vietnam War. Eventually, the government figures out who Logan & Victor really are, & send William Stryker (played by Danny Huston) to hire them to work in a special team, Team X (He worked in another mutant team that has "X" in the team's name! What a coincidence!). Logan eventually quites Team X, but a few years later, he returns to Stryker to volunteer for an ensnarement that involves replacing his skeleton with an indestructible metal called "adimantium". Logan then uses his newly acquired, virtually indestructible, skeleton to work, so he can find & kill his brother, Victor, now on a rampage.

Yep, the film's plot is pretty complicated. Now, I'll have to admit. I liked the first half of the film, but the second half is were the film went down the drain. There were to many characters, they obviously put all the characters in so they could do spin-off films for characters like Deadpool. And finally, the biggest problem is that Wolverine is in the movie so often, that it prevents the other characters from having more screen time.
Another problem I had is that I knew what was going to happen. Both Stryker & Sabertooth escaped, & Wolverine lives to make three more "X-MEN" movies--DUH!!

IN CLOSING: While not even close to the quality of the first two films, it's certainly more entertaining than "X-MEN 3".

G-MAN gives "Wolverine" a "Mediocre Five" out of "Ten"!

Thursday, April 30, 2009

G-MAN reviews "X-MEN 3"

"X-MEN 3" was the first of the film series to not have Bryan Singer, & is the fifth highest opening day in film history, & I find both of those facts very sad, because "X-MEN 3" must be one of the worst super hero films ever made.

(Contains spoilers for "X2"!) The plot involves a "cure" for mutants, & the controversy following it. Obviously, Magneto & his the rest of the villains decide to take matters into their own hands, & the X-MEN have to stop him. Also, Jean Grey (who died at the end of "X2") comes back as "Phoenix", & then joins Magneto.

First off, THEY KILL CYCLOPES! It's not even a spoiler. I swear, he must less than five minutes of screen time!

Second, WERE IS NIGHT CRAWLER? Wasn't the most popular new character in the second film? I know, in "X-MEN: The Official Game" they explain why he's not in the third film, but I didn't get to finish that game.

Also, Rogue is whiny, & has very little significance to the story. It's hard to believe that in the first film, she was (ignoring Wolverine) the main character, but in the third film, she has very little to do with the story, & was almost useless.

The acting is also bad. I never thought that Hugh Jackman would ever give an average performance as Wolverine!

There's also this one scene I don't get were Logan (Wolverine) is in the back yard of the Xavier mansion, & in the next scene, he's in the woods. I can't even remember if the film even stopped to explain how this happened, it just happens!

But the worst thing is how there's too many characters. They try to fit in Colossus, Kitty Pryde, Angel, Leech, Beast. Just too many to count!

But is there anything that I like? Well, Patrick Stewart is still great as Professor Xavier, but it's just to bad that they (SPOILERS!!) kill him off!! Well thank you, Brett Ratner! Thank you for destroying the one good thing about this movie! Top notch!


Patrick Stewart's acting


Too Many Characters
Cheesy Acting

OVER ALL: As you know by now, "X-MEN 3" SUCKS! But it's at least better than "Batman & Robin", "Cat Woman", "Highlander 2", & "The Spirit".

G-MAN gives "X-MEN 3" a "Poor Four" out of "Ten"!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

G-MAN reviews "X2: X-MEN United"

Okay, the first "X-MEN" movie surpassed the quality of many super hero films, so could the sequel improve upon the original? Guess what; they did!

"X2" starts out with a blue skinned mutant named Kurt Wagner (also known as "Nightcrawler" played by Alan Cumming), who's in the white house trying to assassinate the president of the United States. He fails, but escapes using his teleportation powers (I forgot to mention that he can teleport). This attempt causes the government to start a man hunt on mutants, starting with Professor Xavier's mansion. As you guessed, the government tries to take the residents of Xavier's mansion, but most of them escape, while some are captured. The remaining X-MEN members are forced to flee the government, save the captured mutants, & eventually have no choice but to join forces with the villains.

First off, the film has one of the best opening scenes ever! I can remember being in the theater when this first came out, & everyone clapped after the opening action sequence!

Once again, the acting is spot on. Hugh Jackman is still just as good as he was in the first film.

The music from John Ottman must be some of the best super hero film music ever. It's up there with John William's work in "Superman", & Danny Elfman's score in "Batman".

But the best thing is that the film manages to focus on the plot, unlike the first film, were it had very little plot, & a lot of characters.


Great Story
Great Acting
Great Opening
Great Music
Focuses on the Main Plot


Just Not Perfect

OVER ALL: This is actually an improvement over the first film. If you loved the first film, or if you just love X-MEN comics, you'll probably love this film!

G-MAN gives "X2: X-MEN United" an "Awesome Nine" out of "Ten"!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

G-MAN reviews "X-MEN"

With the "Wolverine" movie coming out, I feel that it's necessary to review the first three "X-MEN" movies. Of course, I have to start it off with the original "X-MEN", starring Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellan, & Anna Paquin.

"X-MEN" begins with a congress meeting about a "Mutant Registration Act" from the fictional Senator Robert Kelly (the Jack Thompson of the marvel universe). As it suggests, it's a law for mutants, super powerful beings, to identify themselves & their abilities.
The film then flashes to Mississippi, were a young girl named Rogue (Anna Paquin) finds out about her mutant powers the hard way when she kisses a boy & causes him to go into a comma. Feeling guilty about this, she runs away to Canada. There she finds a mysterious man named Logan (Hugh Jackman), & manages to get a ride from him. Logan is ,apparently, so mysterious that even he doesn't know his own past, & he has the powers to heal quickly, as well as having retractable metal claws. But during the drive, they're attacked by mutant known as Saber Tooth (Tyler Mane). Although, they're both rescued by two other mutants & are taken to the Xavier mansion, owned by Professor Xavier (Patrick Stewart). Xavier uses the mansion as a school for mutants so they can control their powers & someday help defend humanity from Magneto (Ian McKellen), a mutant who's trying to wage war on all non-mutants & anyone who gets in his way.

The acting is great. Hugh Jackman is perfect as Logan/Wolverine because he understands how the character works. Patrick Stewart is, with no doubt, the best actor to portray Professor Xavier, & Ian McKellan was well casted for Magneto.

But the best thing about the film is that it manages to put some emotional scenes in with out making them feel mellow dramatic.

Although, what sucks about the film is that there was supposed to be around an extra forty minutes deleted from the film. This is bad because the final product ended up focusing more on the characters than a coherent plot. So it could have used those extra forty minutes.


Great Story
Great Adapting
Great Acting


There wasn't much of a Coherent Plot
Could Have Used The Deleted Scenes

OVER ALL: Despite the main story not being that compelling, the characters are, & this film will appeal to fans & newcomers alike.

G-MAN gives "X-MEN" a "Great Eight" out of "Ten"!

Friday, April 24, 2009

Top three remakes I intend on seeing

As You know, I'm really pissed off by the amount of remakes that have been announced lately. I do intend on seeing a few of them in theaters, but mostly out of curiosity. Here's the list.

3: "They Live": As You know from My review, I loved the original, & I love 1980's B-movies for their cheesiness. Although, I'm only seeing the "They Live" remake to see how much the studio will screw it up.Okay, to be fair, it might be good, but that's more like wishful praying than a probability.

2: "Highlander": I'm not sure weather or not I'm really excited about this movie, but I do know that I'm seeing it in the theaters not only out of curiosity, but to hear Queen's "Princes of the Universe" in high volume stereo. I'll hype the film... depending on who's making it & who's staring in it. And also, if some studio executive says: "Queen's not hip any more, so we can't use the Queen music", I'll have to find the & then troll the producers on the internet.

1: "ROBOCOP": This one I'm actually excited for. Darren Aronofsky (who recently made the critical hit, "The Wrestler") has been confirmed to be directing. It's great to hear that a critically acclaimed director is making the film. Although, Aronofsky was supposed to do "Batman Begins", & was one of the many people who almost did "WATCHMEN". So this is the third super hero movie he's been offered. Lets just hope the third time's the charm, & that he won't be booted off of the project.

This is "The G-MAN" signing out!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

G-MAN's soap box: ChristianU2uber

Okay,I recently noticed all of this commotion over a video on You Tube. I thought I might as well talk about it.

Okay, the other day, I was watching a video by RandomDCE responding to a kid (who's You Tube account is "ChristianU2uber") telling people to stop calling him gay. I didn't think I'd ever hear about this again, but the next day, when I was browsing You Tube, there was a hell load of videos responding to & parodying the video. It's gotten so bad, that there's already an Encyclopedia Dramatica page about this kid! I'm honestly amazed by how fast this kid has become an internet meme. Here's the video people are going crazy over.

First, kid, I'm not going to call You a homo. I'm just gonna give You a little friendly advice. Just ignore the hate comments & hate videos. If You keep responding to internet rolls, You're only encouraging them, & it'll only make things worst for You. But if You ignore the hate comments & hate videos, the trolls will find it boring to insult You. And if people keep calling You gay, ignore them too. You know that You're not gay, so just ignore them all.

IN CLOSING: I find it unfair that a portion of this kid's tolls hate him because he's a Christian. Shouldn't it be a good thing that a kid his age is into religion? But back to the subject. Kid, if You listen to My advice, this should die out with in a few weeks, & You'll be happy that You listened to Me.

This is "The G-MAN" signing out!

Monday, April 13, 2009

G-MAN's Top Ten Most Hated Types of Fan Boys

Okay, a while back, I saw's "Top ten Worst Types of fan Boys". I thought it was a lame list, & most of the fan boy types shouldn't have been even considered to be on the list. So, I made up My own list of fan boy types that I think should be on this list. Oh, & one more thing. In My opinion, there's no such thing as "a fan girl". From My point of view, it doesn't matter if You're a guy or a girl, if You obsess over some thing in pop culture to the point of insanity, You're a fan boy. Okay, time to start the list.

10: Nintendnerds-
I've had it up to here with Nintendo fan boys saying: "Mario Brothers is the greatest game of all time!" Give Me a break! "Mario" is only okay. I find it sad that critics & gamers are diluted by the fact that "Mario Bros." was innovative. Look, just because some thing is innovative, that doesn't mean it's going to be great forever. Because I'm more into films than I am video games, that gives Me the chance to realize that Nintendo's games don't offer much.

9: Star Wars Fans-
These people just can't except that the series is technically over. They're so obsessive of this series, that they'll literally create a complete biography of a character who only showed up in the background of one scene! I love the movies & all, but do some thing more productive with Your lives other than writing fan fiction.

8: Angry video Game Nerds-
In case You don't know, the Angry Video Game Nerd is an internet personality who pretty much created this whole sub genre of angry reviewers. Unfortunately, when ever there's a new reviewer, they'll just point fingers at the guy & shout out: "RIP OFF! RIP OFF!" I even remember when I was looking in the comments section of one of The Movie Preview Critic's videos (by the way, he makes great videos. Here's his You Tube page), & I saw this comment of some one stating: "Any one who does reviews is a rip off of AVGN". That comment shows how full of crap AVGN's fan base. They're so obnoxious, than James Rolfe, the Angry Video Game Nerd him self, has admmited that he finds his fan base annoying, & he actually happens to be a fan of many of the supposed "rip offs".

7: Anime fan Boys-
First off, I really hate anime. I don't hate all anime, in fact, I happen to like "Spirited Away". I fand that most (not all) anime is too campy (the bad dubbing & those swirling effects). But enough about anime, I'm here to tlk about anime fan boys. The thing that's sickening abot the anime fan base is that they'll find a show, worship it, & once it loses popularity, they cast it out like a leper. Some loyal following!

6: X-BOX 360 fan boys-
These guys are pain in My @$$. When ever there's a game that ISN'T available for the X-BOX 360, they'll bash. If it's NOT for X-BOX 360, but then it's ported to the 360, they'll stop bashing it. These guys are sore losers!

5: The Furries-
Dear Lord, these guys scare the crap out of Me! These people actually have sexual fetishes for anthropomorphic animals! No comment there!

4: Teeny Boppers-
These moronic girls are responsible for the destruction of our child hood's most precious film studio, Disney! Thanks to Miley Cyrus & the Jonas Brothers, we don't get any good Saturday morning cartoons any more (I miss "Gargoyles")! What's even worse is that the Teeny Boppers have had the guts to tell Me that the Jonas Brothers are the greatest rock/pop band of all time. In case You missed that, let Me say it one more time. They think the Jonas Brothers are better than Survivor, Queen, The Beatles, The Who, Elvis, Billy Jole, David Bowie, Micheal Jackson, Bon Jovi, Led Zeppelin, Guns n' Roses, Metallica, Van Halen, Rick Astley, Bob Dylan, The Grateful Dead, Elton John, Pink Floyd, Jimi Hendrix, The Proclaimers, ZZ Top, Kiss, The Police, Prince, Foreigner, REO Speed Wagon, Alice Cooper, & the list goes on!!!!!!!!

3: The Dark Knights-
While I think "The Dark Knight" is the best film of the decade (so far), the fan boys really piss Me off. These people have been to send threats to critics who don't like the film, or just don't give a perfect score. What ever happened to the concept of opinions? Look, if I saw a review of "The Dark Knight" & the critic says the movie sucks, I'd just say the guy is full of crap & he knows it, but I'm not going to threaten them into liking it!

2: The Twihards-
If You've read My "G-MAN's soap box" on the whole "Stephen King bashing Twilight" incident, You can tell that I hate "Twilight". But more recently, the fan base has been resorting to violence when some says that "Twilight" sucks, or it's only okay. I mean, come on! When ever some one says that the Bible sucks, most people's reaction (including Mine) is: "why must You be a jack-ass?" Like, I don't hear a lot about people acting out violence in the name the Bible, but people are acting out violence in the name of "Twilight"! There was one incident were a group of fans broke a girl's arm when she said that the book is only okay. And there was another incident (which happened at a Catholic school, making it even more disturbing) were a Twihard hit a girl with the French copy of "Twilight", & then, using her fake finger nails, caused an infectious gash in the girl's eye! Yes, people. "Twilight", literally, makes Your eyes bleed.

1: The ICPDF (Insane Clown Posse Defense Force)-
Sure, the previous fan boys have resorted to violence but at least they haven't murdered some one (or at least not yet!). In case You don't know, The Insane Clown Posse is a horror rap group. But when ever the fans find some one who trash talks about the band, they will (some times) resort to vandalism, arsine, & even MURDER in the name of their band! If You disrespect the band, You're an enemy. If You disrespect the band's record company, You're an enemy. If You disrespect any friends of the band, You're an enemy. And if You like some one who's in competition with the band, You're an enemy AND the fans are setting their sites on You! The ICPDF has been known to go to Eminem concerts, & attack the audience members as they leave the building! What is wrong with these people?!? THESE PEOPLE ARE GROWN MEN!!!! And also, to the ultra-violent fan boys, I'm pretty sure that the band is pissed as hell when ever You do stuff like this, & possibly even consider quiting to protect innocent people's lives! (P.S. I did NOT insult the band)

IN CLOSING: Fan boys are already a pain in the @$$, but I never thought fan boys would actually resort to threats & violence! So yeah, I just wanted to put up My opinion on the subject.

This is "The G-MAN" signing out!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

G-MAN reviews "The Jimmy Massey Story"

Sorry about not updating the blog in a while, but I'm a busy guy. Okay, time to review the film.
On March 19, 2009, I saw an advanced screening of a documentary known as: "From Mills River To Babylon & Back: The Jimmy Massey Story" (or, if You want a shorter title, just call it "The Jimmy Massey Story"). Here's the review.

The film chronicles the life of ex-war veteran (& currant peace activist) Jimmy Massey. Jimmy Massey was a recruiter for the army, but during the war in Iraq, he quit, because of feeling guilty for genocide. The film also focuses on his currant life as a peace activist.

When going into the film, I didn't expect to like it, but I came shocked by the stuff I found out about the war. The director of the film, Joseph C Stillman, spent four years working on the film, & I think it paid off.

The ONLY problem I had was that I found out that there was about ruffly fifty hours worth of footage shot, & the movie must been about an hour & a half.


Eye Opening
A Real Surprise
Worth The Four Years Of Filming


A Lot Of potentially Good Footage Left Out

OVER ALL: I'm not a real expert on documentaries, but this just might be the best documentary I've ever seen in My life. I hope that after it's released, it'll get an Academy award nomination for "Best Documentary". And if I introduce "Best Documentary" to My G-MAN Awards next year, I'll nominate it.

G-MAN gives "From Mills River To Babylon & Back: The Jimmy Massey Story" an "Awesome Nine" out of "Ten"!

Monday, March 23, 2009

Breaking News: "MAX PAYNE 3" announced

VERY recently (as in "VERY recently", I mean it may have just been announced today), Rock Star games announced that the developers of "BULLY" will be doing "MAX PAYNE 3". People have been talking about it for years, & it's finally happening. The game is set to release some time in winter of this year. I don't really care about the "MAX PAYNE" series, I've never played the games, & I've only seen the movie, but I just felt like letting My readers know about this. It's probably going to be one of the biggest releases of the year. Here's the official web site.

This is "The G-MAN" signing out!

Monday, March 16, 2009

G-MAN reviews "Tremors"

Well, as You can see, it's been more than a week since My last post, & a lot of movie news has happened that I could talk about. Am I going to talk about the "IT" remake? No. Am I going to talk about the possibility of Frieda Pinto being the next Bond girl? No. Am I going to talk about Arnold Schwarzenegger making a cameo in Sly Stallone's "The Expendables" as him self? No. Am I going to talk about Arnold Schwarzenegger making a cameo in the upcoming "Terminator: Salvation"? No. So what am I going to talk about? That's easy! I'll review "Tremors" staring Kevin Bacon & Fred Ward.

"Tremors" is about two handy men, Val & Earle, working in the middle of no where. One day, they decide to move to the big city so they can get better jobs, but there's a sudden change of plans when havoc happens along the drive out of town. Eventually, they go back into town to hide from the unknown menaces, & figure out it's a bunch of giant worms of unknown origin digging at high speed using sound waves (thus the title "Tremors") to catch their pray. The rest of the movie is, You guessed it, them & the towns people trying to survive.

The acting was pretty good. Kevin Bacon & Fred Ward are convincing as best friends. Also, the girl in the movie (I can't remember her name) was also good. Instead of making the girl a damsel in distress, they made her useful & intelligent. But thankfully, they didn't make her a know-it-all. But the best actor & My favorie character in the movie is Micheal Gross as Burt Gummer, the town survivalist. Micheal Gross is, as far as I know of, the only actor to be in every one of the"Tremors" movies.

One of the best things in the movie is the Grabnoids (the giant worms). It's like if the worms from "DUNE" had shrunk. The special effects of them are great. I love good old fashioned B-movie effects, & not those crappy CGI effects!

The only problem I have is that, like "JAWS", the worms have first person views at times. The problem with that is that worms don't have eyes, they even mention that in the movie. So it's totally inconsistent.


Good writing
Good acting
Great special effects



OVER ALL: If You're looking for a cheesy, funny B-movie, check this movie out!

G-MAN gives "Tremors" a "Great Eight" out of "Ten"!

Friday, March 6, 2009

G-MAN reviews "WATCHMEN"

Sorry if My review may be late, but I just came home from the nearest IMAX theater. Alan Moore's "WATCHMEN" is My favorite book, AND has been in development hell since before I was born! It's been considered "unfilmable", has gone through several directors, writers, & actors, & has FINALLY hit the big screen.

"WATCHMEN" involves a masked vigilante, "Rorschach", investigating the murder of an ex-super hero-- Edward Blake a.k.a. "The Comedian". At one point, Rorschach figures out that there's a conspiracy to kill costumed heroes. "WATCHMEN" is NOT the fast paced action film it's marketed to be. If You've read the book like Me, You should know this. It's more of a neo-noir, detective, murder mystery, conspiracy thriller...with super heroes.

First off, it looks AMAZING! It looks almost EXACTLY like the comic!

A lot of the actors did pretty well. I liked Jakie Earl Haily as Rorschach. Rorschach is definantly the most interesting character. Patrick Wilson was also pretty good as Nite Owl.

But now, I would like to talk about the flaws of the film (SPOILERS!!). Well, I felt they didn't pay enough attention to Rorschach, which annoyed Me. Also, they didn't talk about Adrian Veidt's origin story.

Also, it didn't feel like the graphic novel. The film makers admitted to trying to make it a little campy, but "WATCHMEN" is not a farce! When I read it, it was VERY grim, & I was always thinking: "Oh My God! What's going to happen? Is the world going to end?" Sadly, the movie didn't have that.

But what the worst thing was how much they cut out. I knew they were going to cut A LOT out, but I still found most of the things they cut out annoying. But from what I'm told, a four hour director's cut is coming to DVD. I think this would have worked better as a TV movie, like Terry Gilliam suggested when he was offered to direct it.


Looks EXACTLY like the comic
Good acting
Great action scenes
Well written screenplay


Too much cut out
Didn't feel like the book

OVER ALL: Despite it's flaws, it's still a very good movie. It's worth going to the theater, but it would have worked better as a TV movie.

G-MAN gives "WATCHMEN" a "Great Eight" out of "Ten"!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

E3 2009 Rumors

I would just like to point out these rumors so I can get these rumors off My chest.

First, I'm hearing talk that "Sly Cooper 4" will OFFICIALLY be announced at this year's E3. I'm hearing that there'll be online multi player, and it'll, of course, be a PS3 exclusive. Well, I hope that's true, but I hope it'll be more like "Sly 2: Band of Thieves", because I felt that the third game was a disappointment in comparison to "Sly 2: Band of thieves". Besides, I'm tired of putting up with "Sly Cooper" fan fiction. I can't wait!

The second rumor is Nintendo's big surprise announcement. I've been hearing people say that Nintendo has some "big surprise" this year. I'm not sure if that's true, because I don't pay much attention to Nintendo, but if that's true, I think I know what the "big surprise" is. I think Nintendo is buying the rights for "Sonic the Hedgehog". I mean, come on, I find the warning signs painfully obvious. "Mario & Sonic at the Olympics" and "Super Smash Brothers Brawl" which featured Sonic. If this is true, I'm happy to hear this. Seriously, the most recent "Sonic" games have SUCKED (except for the hand-held ones), so it's good if Nintendo starts making the series. "Sonic the Hedgehog" USED to be cool, until Sega went the "George Lucas route to fame" & just pissed off the fans (much like the "Star Wars" prequel trilogy!).

I'm not sure if ANY of those rumors are true, but like I said, I just wanted to let You all know My opinions on them. Good bye.

This is "The G-MAN" signing out!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

How to adapt a video game (series) into a film

If there's ANY aspiring film makers out there trying to adapt a video game into a film, read this article, so You don't make the same mistakes EVERY other film maker makes when adapting video games.

STEP 1: Get to know Your source material-- To adapt something that's well over ten hours into less than two hours, You NEED to be enough of an expert of the source material to know what must go in, and what must go out. If You don't, You'll end up putting in TOO MANY SUB-PLOTS IN IT! Besides, if You screw up, You'll end up like this idiot!

STEP 2: Pick a game with a great story-- Of course, You need a game with compelling plot & characters, or the movie will suck. Did You really think "Super Mario Brothers" would make a good movie? NO! Why? Because it had little-to-no plot. You need to pick something that can make a compelling feature film (later, I'll name a few games I think could make good movies).

STEP 3: Don't pick games with good, but LONG stories!-- This is called "The Final Fantasy " effect. The game has a great story, but is to long to fit even "act 1" of the game into the film. Like I said, You NEED to pick a game with a great story, but it has to be a game short enough to fit into two hours.

STEP 4: Style-- Lets say, for example, the game takes place in the 1980's. All the music (except for the musical score) should be songs from the selected era. It wouldn't make sense to have Jonas Brothers songs in the 1980's. Also, the visual style shouldn't be all "in-Your-face", but it should catch people's attention, so the film doesn't look bland.

STEP 5: Characters-- DO NOT try to fit all the characters into film! This was the biggest problem with the first "Street Fighter" movie. If You put EVERY character in the game into the movie, there will be to much unneeded & unwanted character development. Besides, if a sequel is made, You need more characters to introduce in the sequel.

STEP 6: Casting-- I would recommend that You hire little-to-unknown actors for the roles (TV action stares for example). You also want to hire someone who fits their character. Also, DON'T hire Samuel L Jackson, Jack Black, Tom Cruise or Angelina Jolie! I don't hate these people (except for Tom Cruise. He can't act!). In fact, I happen to like Samuel L Jackson, but I'm tired of seeing these people EVERY WERE!

STEP 7: Advertising-- If You want a good a box office performance, You need to have attention-grabbing advertising. And DON'T make it obvious that it's a video game adaptation, or people will think it's going to suck. Don't mention it's based on a game unless someone on the news asks about it.

STEP 8: DON'T SET UP A SEQUEL!!-- This is a mistake video game movies have made for years ("Super Mario Brothers" & "Street Fighter" for example). Try to leave enough room for a sequel, but DON'T have a cliff-hanger! If You have a cliff-hanger but no sequel, it'll only piss people off.


"Ratchet & Clank" (I think "Buckaroo Banzai" director, W. D. Richer, should direct the film)
"Jak & Daxter" (I think it should be based off of "Jak 2" specifically)
"Uncharted" (I think Sam Raimi should direct the film)
"Metal Gear Solid" ( Maybe Luc Besson could direct?)
"Halo" (Peter Jackson for the director job! No doubt about it!)
"Grand Theft Auto" (Possibly Micheal Mann could direct)

IN CLOSING: If You succeed at 4-6 of these rules, You're probably a talented film maker. But if You fail at 4-8 of these, You probably suck at film making. That's about it.

This is "The G-MAN" signing out!

Monday, March 2, 2009

Cinema Repot Card: February, 2009

It's finally here! The first in My monthly series, "Cinema Report Card"! At the end of each month, I grade everyone of the new major releases of the past month. Although, re-releases don't count in the report cards. Sorry "Dark Knight" & "Wrestler".


Neil Gaiman's "Coraline"

A well made, well animated, clever, & smart animated that kids AND adults will like. I just hope they don't make a sequel or spin-off, other wise, that would take the quality of the first film down a bit. But still, it's already one of My all-time favorite animated movies.


"Fan Boys"

I first heard about this film WAYYYY back in 2007, and I've been looking foreword to it since. Unfortunately, it was NOT worth the wait.


"He's Just Not That Into You"

This movie had potential to be a ground breaker. The book was a women's guide to figuring out the tricks men play on women. If only the film makers stayed true to that, this could have been an influential anti-date movie. Instead, they made this a predictable date movie, instead of doing something risky.


"The Pink Panther 2"

A long time ago, Steve Martin USED to be funny. But then, tragedy struck! He stoped making good, funny movies, and started making crappy movies. Years later, he's STILL making crapy films!



Another unoriginal, pointless superhero flick! Although, there's something interesting to point out here. Dekota Fanning stared in "Coraline", which opened the same week as "Push", also stared in "Push". She was competing with herself!



"Friday The 13TH"

I've had it up to here with these remakes! This is NO exception. "Friday The 13Th" is just a pointless regurgitation of what we've all been watching for nearly thirty years.


"The International"

A pretty good conspiracy thriller. Worth checking out. I wouldn't say this was remarkable, but it's entertaining.


"Confessions of a Shpoaholic"

Not only this was EVEN MORE annoying than "Sex and the City", but this film was extremely hypocritical! How? Well, the film's moral is essentially try not to belong to labels (in this case, clothing brands). Yet, the film will celebrate certain brands. How hypocritical is that?!? That's like if Charles Manson said it's bad to kill people!



"Fired Up"

Thankfully, this has been doing TERRIBLY at the box office. It looks like audiences saw it for what it really was, just another sex- crazed, road trip, teen comedy.


"Madea Goes to jail"

While this movie was pretty bad, it was, at times, a stupid way.



"Jonas Brothers 3-D"

The thing with concert films is that if You like the band, You'll like the movie. If You don't like the band, You won't like the movie. I happen to hate the Jonas Brothers. I was going to give this a "C-", saying that the use of Real-D makes up for the bad quality, but because they pushed "Coraline" out of theaters for this garbage that serves as proof of civilization declining, I'm showing this film NO mercy! Thanks a lot, Jonas Brothers fan girls! Thanks for forcing theaters to kick out an instant classic over a bad concert film that will only do well at the box office for ONE WEEK because a week later, "WATCHMEN" comes out! Thank You! Your kids will remember You for that!


"Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li"

When will video game adaptations figure out how to be good? They keep getting worse! Actually, some time soon in the future, I'm going to write an article on how to adapt something successfully. If there's any film makers out there trying to adapt a video game for the big screen, read that article I'm going to write.


OVER ALL: This was a disappointing month cinema. Only two major releases out of twelve got "A" ratings! I hope the rest of the year will make up for this.

The month of February, 2009 gets an "F"!

This is "The G-MAN" signing out!