Saturday, February 28, 2009

Failed to publish!

Just today, I tried to publish the first in a monthly series on the blog called "Cinema Report Card". As You assumed, I would grade all the past major releases at the end of the month. Unfortunately, I did one today, but the letters in it became so big, that every two letters would fill up what would normally be full paragraph! So, it's being delayed due to technical difficulties, but expect it to come out some time in the following week.

- "The G-MAN"

Saturday, February 21, 2009

G-MAN reviews Neil Gaiman's "Coraline"

At first, I wasn't that excited to see "Coraline", but, like every other Neil Gaiman based film, it exceeded My expectations. Here's My review.

"Coraline" involves an 11-year old girl, Coraline Jones (voice acted by Dekota Fanning), and her family moving into an apartment building. Her parents are to busy to pay any attention to her, due to them writing a gardening magazine. Very quickly into the film, she finds a small door that, of course, leads to another world. But unlike "Alice in Wonder Land", the world Coraline goes to is more of an alternate reality, with parents who give her what she wants, and the whole place is just all-around fun. But as You guessed, this is all a trap, and "The Other Mother" is trying to capture Coraline so she can get her life force (or something like that).

First off, The 3-D in this film is the BEST 3-D I've ever seen in My life, and doesn't look at all like a gimmick. If You want to see the 3-D effects, go see it tonight or tomorrow (as in Saturday February 21, 2009, or Sunday February 22, 2009), because this'll be Your last chance to see the film in 3-D.

As You know, it's a stop motion film. I almost forgot what that looked like, because there's a serious lack of stop motion films. Not only it's the first stop motion film in a long time, the animation is also superb.

The film features some well done voice acting. I think the best voice actor in the film (and that's saying some thing) is Keith David as the black cat who accompanies Coraline.

This an old fashioned fairy tale, and most of the original fairy ales were very creepy, which is the case here. Actually, there are a few plot devices that I think are creepy by a couple of R-rated movie standards. Example? Well, "The Other Mother" wants to replace Coraline's real eyes with buttons. There's nothing graphic, and that doesn't happen, but it's still very creepy.

Was there any thing I hated? Well, I really hated the film's score. It was just annoying.

Good Story
Old Fashioned Fairy Tale
Great Voice Acting
Great Animation
Great 3-D Effects
Great Art Design

Annoying Music

OVER ALL: "Coraline" is a creative, imaginative, funny, and at times, very creepy film. I know Iit might be little early to give it classic status, but I already think it reaches the quality of many animated classics like "The Lion King". Actually, I liked this a lot more than "The Lion King"! There's a serious lack of imagination in cinema today, due to virtually every movie now with films being made by greedy studio executives. The movie world needs more imaginative films like "Coraline". If You're looking for a great animated movie, a great 3-D movie, or just a fun family movie, this is a great choice. It's defiantly getting a "G-MAN" nomination for "Best Animated Film of 2009".

G-MAN gives Neil Gaiman's "Coraline" an "Perfect Ten" out of "Ten"!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Boycott The Oscars!

As You know, the Academy Awards have given the cold shoulder to "The Dark Knight",
"Gran Torino", "The Wrestler", and "Wall-E". So, to show how pissed off We are, I think EVERYONE reading this, should boycott the Oscars until they start nominating the right movies. If the Razzies ( instead of celebrating the best of the best, they celebrate the worst of the worst), are showing on TV, watch that instead. At least they nominate the movies that are deserving of those awards (but why "Indiana Jones 4" is being nominated for "worst sequel" is beyond Me!).

Besides, You don't HAVE to watch the Oscars to find out who or what won. It appears that the winners were leaked on the internet recently. I know My "G-MAN Movie Awards" weren't high on production values, but My awards were better because I nominated the films that deserved to be nominated.

Just don't watch the Oscars. This'll show how pissed off We all are. Just boycott the Oscars until the nominate movies that actually deserve nominations.

This is "The G-MAN" signing out!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

G-MAN's soap box: Stephen King vs Stephenie Meyer

A while back, the King of horror himself, Stephen King, had shocked all "Twilight" fans across the world when he compared Meyer to J.K. Rowling ( in case You live under a rock, Jo Rowling is the creator of the famous, as well as infamous with some people, "Harry Potter" book series). He said: "Both Rowling and Meyer, they're speaking directly to young people. The real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can't write worth a darn. She's not very good."

My thoughts on this? I think King is right. Yep, I hate "Twilight"! It's mellow dramatic, and is just teen,vampire, soap opera ( Good Lord! I can't believe I just said that!). Also, how could Meyer get her vampire facts SO grossly incorrect as they are? Vampires can't go out in the middle of the day unless the sun's totally blocked! How could You get such a basic element of Vampires and screw it up like that? It just makes NO sense!

The characters just AREN'T Vampires! It would be better off having Edward Cullan being an alien banished from the planet Ziest ( that's pretty bad when a story would be better off being a rip off of "Highlander 2", when that film was a rip off of Scientology)! I mean, come on! Edward doesn't suck blood? Meyer just violated two basic traits of vampires! Vampires suck blood, AND they can't go out in sunlight, but Meyer has them break those rules! Meyer should have just been creative & make up a new type of creature.

Also, King is right, Rowling is just a great writer. I love the first "Harry Potter" book (I would read the rest, but I'm a busy guy). While "Twilight" has poor writing & poorly written characters.

AND.... You people are actually bashing the master of terror, Stephen King?!? What big difference will You make? This guy has written books so frightening, that the book "Pet Cemetery" frightened himself to the point that he didn't even look at the book for three years.
I also REALLY hate people's reactions in the comments sections of this event. They can't spell basic words like "life","Stephen", "aren't" or even "You're"! Here's a few comments:

"I think she's (Myer) MUCH better than J.K. Rowling....his books just arnt that good".
"Stephan ur a jerk!"
"I wonder if has some mental disorder, because Stephenie Meyer is an excellent write"
"Get a lyfe dude....and stop hating on Stephenie's skillz!"

Wow! All these people are either brain dead, rednecks, or both! If You're defending some thing You care about, show that You give a damn about it by spelling Your comments correctly!

And finally, King is great because many of his books were inspired by events in his life. King writes his books out of his experiences in life. While Stephenie Meyer is a Mormon house wife that rips off of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"! She even admits that she ripped off of the relationship that Buffy & Angel have briefly in the series.

In Closing: All I have to say is that Stephen King rocks, J.K. Rowling rocks, and Stephenie Meyer SUCKS. And as a special shout out to ALL the people writing comments a while back, SPELL YOUR COMMENTS RIGHT!! "YOU"RE" IS FIVE LETTERS, IS THAT TOO COMPLICATED?!?!?!?! This is "The G-MAN" signing out!

And the winner is....STEPHEN KING!!

Friday, February 13, 2009

The first annual G-MAN movie awards ( a.k.a. the best of 2008)

You've been waiting, and now here's My first EVER movie awards!


"Gran Torino" by Clint Eastwood & Jamie Cullum
"The Wrestler" by Bruce Springstien
"Down to Earth ( from "Wall-E" )" by Peter Gabriel
"O Saya ( from "Slumdog Millionaire" )" by A.R. Rahman & M.I.A.

And the winner is...."Gran Torino"! It wins because of it fitting so well with such a great Clint Eastwood film....and Clint Eastwood himself co-wrote the song, making it even better, because EVERYTHING is better with Clint Eastwood!


"The Dark Knight"
"Benjamin Button"

And the winner is...."The Dark Knight"! Every great film needs an amazing score, and the film just fits perfectly! A great score to compliment a great film!


"Benjamin Button"
"The Dark Knight"
"Frost / Nixon"
"Slumdog Millionaire"

And the winner is...."The Dark Knight"! While the comics have always been great, the dark plot points and well developed characters just improve upon the comics. Yes, "the Dark Knight" is BETTER than the comics!


"Frozen River"

And the winner is...."Wall-E"! It's amazing how Pixar managed to make a film out of a, mostly, pantomimed feature film.


"The Dark Knight"
"Benjamin Button"
"Max Payne"

And the winner is...."Max Payne"! Even if You hated the film, You have to admit, the art design is extremely memorable.


"Kung-Fu Panda"
"Hortan Hears A Who"

And the winner is...."Wall-E"! Yet another Pixar classic! Actually, it just might be the BEST Pixar movie ever!


Taraji P. Henson in "Benjamin Button"
Penelope Cruz in "Vicky Christina Barcelona"
Amy Adams in "Doubt"
Viola Davis in "Doubt"

And the winner is.... Taraji P. Henson in "Benjamin Button"! Yet again, another memorable character in "Benjamin Button"!


Heath Ledger in "The Dark Knight"
Robert Downey Jr. in "Tropic Thunder"
Josh Brolin in "Milk"
Micheal Shannon in "Revolutionary Road"

And the winner need for suspense, You know who's the winner, it's Heath Ledger in "The Dark Knight"! He wins because he's recreated a classic villain that countless people have grown up reading. He is also My number one favorite screen villain so far. I'm pretty sure Ledger would be proud, rest in peace!


Cate Blanchiet in "Benjamin Button"
Anne Hathaway in "Rachael Getting Married"
Sally Hawkins in "Happy-Go-Lucky"
"Meryl Streep in "Doubt"

And the winner is....Cate Blanchiet in "Benjamin Button"! Once again, a great example of acting. Enough said.


Brad Pitt in "Benjamin Button"
Clint Eastwood in 'Gran Torino"
Sean Penn in "Milk"
Mickey Rourke in "The Wrestler"

And the winner is....Clint Eastwood in "Gran Torino"! Clint Eastwood is ALWAYS awesome, even if he's in a crappy film, so he wins for being such a screen legend....and he's My favorite actor of all time. I know a lot of people liked Sean Penn , but it's My movie awards, so I get to pick the winner, so tough toe nails Sean Penn!


Christopher Nolan for "The Dark Knight"
David Fincher for "Benjamin Button"
Clint Eastwood for "Gran Torino"
Danny Boyle for "Slumdog Millionaire"

And the winner is....Christopher Nolan for "The Dark Knight"! Christopher Nolan, in My opinion, is one of the BEST directors out there currently. Instead of making this like every other comic book film, Nolan made this more like Micheal Mann films like "Heat", and I think this was better than "Heat"!


"Benjamin Button"
"The Dark Knight"
"Slumdog Millionaire"
"Gran Torino"
"The Wrestler"

And the winner is...."the Dark Knight"! Why this is the best movie of the year is because EVERY super hero film, from now on, will be compared to this film, and will go down in history for proving that even super hero can be PERFECT!

Those are the best of the best when it comes to 2008 films. This is "The G-MAN" signing out!

Monday, February 9, 2009

G-MAN's soap box: "Highlander" remake

If You remember My article a few months back about upcoming remakes, You should remember that I mentioned "Highlander" is being remade. First, I should explain what "Highlander" is about, then I'll tell about My thoughts on the remake.

NO!! "Highlander" is NOT about a car! It's about random people who happen to be immortals, and they can only die if You cut their heads off. After they have an event called "The Quickening" happen to them, they never age. There's no explanation of how or why they are like that ( okay, "Highlander 2" gave an explanation, but it was stupid AND riped off of L. Ron Hubbard's lack of creativity). The immortals must fight & kill each other until one remains, because in the end....THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE! The film's main character is Connor MacLeod, a man born in the Scottish highlands ( thus the name "Highlander" ) during the medieval period.

I really don't think "Highlander" should be remade. It's already a near perfect film, so what's the point of ruining it by remaking it? One word: MONEY! That's really the only reason why studios are making it, because it's a successful, recognizable name with a strong following. I'll be okay with the remake, on a few conditions.

I think the director of the first film, Russel Mulcaky, should direct this new film. If not him, maybe Brian Singer ( directer of other super hero classics like "X Men" & "Super Man Returns" ), if not him, I've got nothing.

They also HAVE to use the Queen music! When a fan of the film series hears the title "Highlander", instantly, "Princes of the Universe" goes through their head. I personally think that "Princes of the Universe" & "Who Wants to Live Forever" are two of the greatest rocks songs ever. I don't want to hear My chemical Romance or Rob Zombie do a new version of the songs ( I'm just thinking up random artists ). I want the Queen music, I want the original recordings, I want it all, and I want it now ( making Queen references is funny )!!

Lets get to the casting. I think Gerard Butler should play Connor MacLeod. For three reasons,(1) he's a good enough actor, (2) he's got a good acting record when it comes to action movies ( hell, he's going to play Snake Plissken in a remake of "Escape from N.Y." !), and (3) he really is Scottish! But then again, Gerard Butler cares about his acting carrier too much to risk doing a film that just might be crappy. So, if they can't get him, maybe they could cast Thomas Jane. This seems to be the popular choice for the role of Connor MacLeod. I havn't seen a Thomas Jane movie, but I understand why they want him as Connor.... he's almost a clone of Christopher Lambert!

Adrian Paul ( who played Duncan MacLeod in the "Highlander" TV show) could play Ramirez ( the Sean Connery character who serves as a mentor for Connor ). Yet again, for three reasons. (1) He's a good actor, (2) it would be interesting for trivia value, and (3) he almost looks like young Sean Connery!

(young Sean Connery on the left)
(current Adrian Paul on the right)

At first, I was not sure who could play the Kurgan ( the main villain of the first film). At first, I thought Vin Diesel would be a good choice,but while he's muscular AND has a deep voice, he's not tall enough. The Kurgan is seven feet tall! Who's tall enough, muscular enough & intimidating enough to play him?!? Well, I thought hard on this one, and the name poped in My head, Tyler Mane! Yeah, the guy who played Saber Tooth in "X Men" & played Micheal Myers in the "Halloween" remake. He's not seven feet tall, but it's easy to mistake for seven feet tall.

And most importantly, they must NOT treat it like just another sword fighting film. The general public looks at "Highlander" as just another sword fighting series, but "Highlander" is more than that. It might be the first film that has ever made the point that living forever isn't as great as it sounds. Friends & family get old and die, while You ( pretend You're immortal & can't age), are still the same age You, for example, thirty, and will live forever, and this process will keep repeating. It would be a pretty miserable life. So lets just hope the filmmakers remember that about the series.If You agree or disagree with My ideas, please comment why You agree or disagree with this article. Don't curse in the comments, other wise studios will think You're low class & won't listen to You. And please SPELL YOUR COMMENTS RIGHT! I'm not trying to be rude , but spell right for the same reason why You shouldn't curse, so You don't look low class. We probably can't stop production of the film, just offer film ideas so the movie can actually be good, and show Holly wood that We all want a kick-ass remake! I need Your help, ALL "Highlander" fans need Your help! This is a petition, and You have until Saturday, May 9th to sign this petition. February 9th to May 9th is four months, that' a large chunk of a year, so there's NO excuse to not commenting. Let Me recap: spell Your comments right, don't curse, and explain exactly why You're saying it. Us "Highlander" fans need Your help, thank You!

This is "The G-MAN" signing out!

Friday, February 6, 2009

G-MAN's top three most egotistical songs EVER

This is an unusual topic. It just came to mind, and I thought it would make an interesting (and funny!) list. Unfortunately, there weren't enough songs that I've heard to make a top ten, or even top five, list. So a top three list will have to do. Enjoy!


"You're So Vain" by Carly Simon

Why it's on the list: Although the song seems to be referring to another person instead of the person them self, what the song describes is the definition of egotism.


"I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred

Why It's on the list: It's entirely obvious WHY! I mean, "I'm too sexy for my shirt"?!? No comment there.


"Gimme The Prize (the Kurgan's theme from "Highlander")" by Queen

Why it's on the list: It may not sound like an egotistical song when You hear the title, but just listen to the lyrics. Hear are some of the lyrics: "I am the one, the only one! I am the God of kingdom come! Gimme the prize!!"
It deserves the number one spot because the guy is claiming to be God almighty himself! It's so egotistical, that it makes "I'm Too Sexy" sound conservative! That's what makes it the ultimate egotistical song!!


Monday, February 2, 2009

G-MAN reviews "Groundhog Day"- short review

To day is Groundhog's Day, so lets review "Groundhog Day"!

The film stars Bill Murray as Phil, an obnoxious weather man. On Groundhog's Day, for unknown reasons, Groundhog's Day repeats over & over again, but Phil is the only one who notices this. At first he's concerned, but when he realizes that every day repeats constantly, he takes advantage of this & will do stupid things knowing that there'll be no price to pay.

What's funny about this movie is the stuff Phil does when he takes advantage of the situation.

Bill Murray is great in this movie, and I think this is one of his most memorable roles.

The film's theme is self improvement. The dilemma doesn't end until he he becomes a better man.

My only major problem is that the film drags a bit after a while.


Good acting
Hilarious situations


Kinda' drags

OVER ALL: If you want a well written comedy for Groundhog's Day, check it out. Have a happy Groundhog's Day.

G-MAN gives "Groundhog Day" a "Good Seven" out of "Ten"!