Monday, March 23, 2009

Breaking News: "MAX PAYNE 3" announced

VERY recently (as in "VERY recently", I mean it may have just been announced today), Rock Star games announced that the developers of "BULLY" will be doing "MAX PAYNE 3". People have been talking about it for years, & it's finally happening. The game is set to release some time in winter of this year. I don't really care about the "MAX PAYNE" series, I've never played the games, & I've only seen the movie, but I just felt like letting My readers know about this. It's probably going to be one of the biggest releases of the year. Here's the official web site.

This is "The G-MAN" signing out!

Monday, March 16, 2009

G-MAN reviews "Tremors"

Well, as You can see, it's been more than a week since My last post, & a lot of movie news has happened that I could talk about. Am I going to talk about the "IT" remake? No. Am I going to talk about the possibility of Frieda Pinto being the next Bond girl? No. Am I going to talk about Arnold Schwarzenegger making a cameo in Sly Stallone's "The Expendables" as him self? No. Am I going to talk about Arnold Schwarzenegger making a cameo in the upcoming "Terminator: Salvation"? No. So what am I going to talk about? That's easy! I'll review "Tremors" staring Kevin Bacon & Fred Ward.

"Tremors" is about two handy men, Val & Earle, working in the middle of no where. One day, they decide to move to the big city so they can get better jobs, but there's a sudden change of plans when havoc happens along the drive out of town. Eventually, they go back into town to hide from the unknown menaces, & figure out it's a bunch of giant worms of unknown origin digging at high speed using sound waves (thus the title "Tremors") to catch their pray. The rest of the movie is, You guessed it, them & the towns people trying to survive.

The acting was pretty good. Kevin Bacon & Fred Ward are convincing as best friends. Also, the girl in the movie (I can't remember her name) was also good. Instead of making the girl a damsel in distress, they made her useful & intelligent. But thankfully, they didn't make her a know-it-all. But the best actor & My favorie character in the movie is Micheal Gross as Burt Gummer, the town survivalist. Micheal Gross is, as far as I know of, the only actor to be in every one of the"Tremors" movies.

One of the best things in the movie is the Grabnoids (the giant worms). It's like if the worms from "DUNE" had shrunk. The special effects of them are great. I love good old fashioned B-movie effects, & not those crappy CGI effects!

The only problem I have is that, like "JAWS", the worms have first person views at times. The problem with that is that worms don't have eyes, they even mention that in the movie. So it's totally inconsistent.


Good writing
Good acting
Great special effects



OVER ALL: If You're looking for a cheesy, funny B-movie, check this movie out!

G-MAN gives "Tremors" a "Great Eight" out of "Ten"!

Friday, March 6, 2009

G-MAN reviews "WATCHMEN"

Sorry if My review may be late, but I just came home from the nearest IMAX theater. Alan Moore's "WATCHMEN" is My favorite book, AND has been in development hell since before I was born! It's been considered "unfilmable", has gone through several directors, writers, & actors, & has FINALLY hit the big screen.

"WATCHMEN" involves a masked vigilante, "Rorschach", investigating the murder of an ex-super hero-- Edward Blake a.k.a. "The Comedian". At one point, Rorschach figures out that there's a conspiracy to kill costumed heroes. "WATCHMEN" is NOT the fast paced action film it's marketed to be. If You've read the book like Me, You should know this. It's more of a neo-noir, detective, murder mystery, conspiracy thriller...with super heroes.

First off, it looks AMAZING! It looks almost EXACTLY like the comic!

A lot of the actors did pretty well. I liked Jakie Earl Haily as Rorschach. Rorschach is definantly the most interesting character. Patrick Wilson was also pretty good as Nite Owl.

But now, I would like to talk about the flaws of the film (SPOILERS!!). Well, I felt they didn't pay enough attention to Rorschach, which annoyed Me. Also, they didn't talk about Adrian Veidt's origin story.

Also, it didn't feel like the graphic novel. The film makers admitted to trying to make it a little campy, but "WATCHMEN" is not a farce! When I read it, it was VERY grim, & I was always thinking: "Oh My God! What's going to happen? Is the world going to end?" Sadly, the movie didn't have that.

But what the worst thing was how much they cut out. I knew they were going to cut A LOT out, but I still found most of the things they cut out annoying. But from what I'm told, a four hour director's cut is coming to DVD. I think this would have worked better as a TV movie, like Terry Gilliam suggested when he was offered to direct it.


Looks EXACTLY like the comic
Good acting
Great action scenes
Well written screenplay


Too much cut out
Didn't feel like the book

OVER ALL: Despite it's flaws, it's still a very good movie. It's worth going to the theater, but it would have worked better as a TV movie.

G-MAN gives "WATCHMEN" a "Great Eight" out of "Ten"!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

E3 2009 Rumors

I would just like to point out these rumors so I can get these rumors off My chest.

First, I'm hearing talk that "Sly Cooper 4" will OFFICIALLY be announced at this year's E3. I'm hearing that there'll be online multi player, and it'll, of course, be a PS3 exclusive. Well, I hope that's true, but I hope it'll be more like "Sly 2: Band of Thieves", because I felt that the third game was a disappointment in comparison to "Sly 2: Band of thieves". Besides, I'm tired of putting up with "Sly Cooper" fan fiction. I can't wait!

The second rumor is Nintendo's big surprise announcement. I've been hearing people say that Nintendo has some "big surprise" this year. I'm not sure if that's true, because I don't pay much attention to Nintendo, but if that's true, I think I know what the "big surprise" is. I think Nintendo is buying the rights for "Sonic the Hedgehog". I mean, come on, I find the warning signs painfully obvious. "Mario & Sonic at the Olympics" and "Super Smash Brothers Brawl" which featured Sonic. If this is true, I'm happy to hear this. Seriously, the most recent "Sonic" games have SUCKED (except for the hand-held ones), so it's good if Nintendo starts making the series. "Sonic the Hedgehog" USED to be cool, until Sega went the "George Lucas route to fame" & just pissed off the fans (much like the "Star Wars" prequel trilogy!).

I'm not sure if ANY of those rumors are true, but like I said, I just wanted to let You all know My opinions on them. Good bye.

This is "The G-MAN" signing out!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

How to adapt a video game (series) into a film

If there's ANY aspiring film makers out there trying to adapt a video game into a film, read this article, so You don't make the same mistakes EVERY other film maker makes when adapting video games.

STEP 1: Get to know Your source material-- To adapt something that's well over ten hours into less than two hours, You NEED to be enough of an expert of the source material to know what must go in, and what must go out. If You don't, You'll end up putting in TOO MANY SUB-PLOTS IN IT! Besides, if You screw up, You'll end up like this idiot!

STEP 2: Pick a game with a great story-- Of course, You need a game with compelling plot & characters, or the movie will suck. Did You really think "Super Mario Brothers" would make a good movie? NO! Why? Because it had little-to-no plot. You need to pick something that can make a compelling feature film (later, I'll name a few games I think could make good movies).

STEP 3: Don't pick games with good, but LONG stories!-- This is called "The Final Fantasy " effect. The game has a great story, but is to long to fit even "act 1" of the game into the film. Like I said, You NEED to pick a game with a great story, but it has to be a game short enough to fit into two hours.

STEP 4: Style-- Lets say, for example, the game takes place in the 1980's. All the music (except for the musical score) should be songs from the selected era. It wouldn't make sense to have Jonas Brothers songs in the 1980's. Also, the visual style shouldn't be all "in-Your-face", but it should catch people's attention, so the film doesn't look bland.

STEP 5: Characters-- DO NOT try to fit all the characters into film! This was the biggest problem with the first "Street Fighter" movie. If You put EVERY character in the game into the movie, there will be to much unneeded & unwanted character development. Besides, if a sequel is made, You need more characters to introduce in the sequel.

STEP 6: Casting-- I would recommend that You hire little-to-unknown actors for the roles (TV action stares for example). You also want to hire someone who fits their character. Also, DON'T hire Samuel L Jackson, Jack Black, Tom Cruise or Angelina Jolie! I don't hate these people (except for Tom Cruise. He can't act!). In fact, I happen to like Samuel L Jackson, but I'm tired of seeing these people EVERY WERE!

STEP 7: Advertising-- If You want a good a box office performance, You need to have attention-grabbing advertising. And DON'T make it obvious that it's a video game adaptation, or people will think it's going to suck. Don't mention it's based on a game unless someone on the news asks about it.

STEP 8: DON'T SET UP A SEQUEL!!-- This is a mistake video game movies have made for years ("Super Mario Brothers" & "Street Fighter" for example). Try to leave enough room for a sequel, but DON'T have a cliff-hanger! If You have a cliff-hanger but no sequel, it'll only piss people off.


"Ratchet & Clank" (I think "Buckaroo Banzai" director, W. D. Richer, should direct the film)
"Jak & Daxter" (I think it should be based off of "Jak 2" specifically)
"Uncharted" (I think Sam Raimi should direct the film)
"Metal Gear Solid" ( Maybe Luc Besson could direct?)
"Halo" (Peter Jackson for the director job! No doubt about it!)
"Grand Theft Auto" (Possibly Micheal Mann could direct)

IN CLOSING: If You succeed at 4-6 of these rules, You're probably a talented film maker. But if You fail at 4-8 of these, You probably suck at film making. That's about it.

This is "The G-MAN" signing out!

Monday, March 2, 2009

Cinema Repot Card: February, 2009

It's finally here! The first in My monthly series, "Cinema Report Card"! At the end of each month, I grade everyone of the new major releases of the past month. Although, re-releases don't count in the report cards. Sorry "Dark Knight" & "Wrestler".


Neil Gaiman's "Coraline"

A well made, well animated, clever, & smart animated that kids AND adults will like. I just hope they don't make a sequel or spin-off, other wise, that would take the quality of the first film down a bit. But still, it's already one of My all-time favorite animated movies.


"Fan Boys"

I first heard about this film WAYYYY back in 2007, and I've been looking foreword to it since. Unfortunately, it was NOT worth the wait.


"He's Just Not That Into You"

This movie had potential to be a ground breaker. The book was a women's guide to figuring out the tricks men play on women. If only the film makers stayed true to that, this could have been an influential anti-date movie. Instead, they made this a predictable date movie, instead of doing something risky.


"The Pink Panther 2"

A long time ago, Steve Martin USED to be funny. But then, tragedy struck! He stoped making good, funny movies, and started making crappy movies. Years later, he's STILL making crapy films!



Another unoriginal, pointless superhero flick! Although, there's something interesting to point out here. Dekota Fanning stared in "Coraline", which opened the same week as "Push", also stared in "Push". She was competing with herself!



"Friday The 13TH"

I've had it up to here with these remakes! This is NO exception. "Friday The 13Th" is just a pointless regurgitation of what we've all been watching for nearly thirty years.


"The International"

A pretty good conspiracy thriller. Worth checking out. I wouldn't say this was remarkable, but it's entertaining.


"Confessions of a Shpoaholic"

Not only this was EVEN MORE annoying than "Sex and the City", but this film was extremely hypocritical! How? Well, the film's moral is essentially try not to belong to labels (in this case, clothing brands). Yet, the film will celebrate certain brands. How hypocritical is that?!? That's like if Charles Manson said it's bad to kill people!



"Fired Up"

Thankfully, this has been doing TERRIBLY at the box office. It looks like audiences saw it for what it really was, just another sex- crazed, road trip, teen comedy.


"Madea Goes to jail"

While this movie was pretty bad, it was, at times, a stupid way.



"Jonas Brothers 3-D"

The thing with concert films is that if You like the band, You'll like the movie. If You don't like the band, You won't like the movie. I happen to hate the Jonas Brothers. I was going to give this a "C-", saying that the use of Real-D makes up for the bad quality, but because they pushed "Coraline" out of theaters for this garbage that serves as proof of civilization declining, I'm showing this film NO mercy! Thanks a lot, Jonas Brothers fan girls! Thanks for forcing theaters to kick out an instant classic over a bad concert film that will only do well at the box office for ONE WEEK because a week later, "WATCHMEN" comes out! Thank You! Your kids will remember You for that!


"Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li"

When will video game adaptations figure out how to be good? They keep getting worse! Actually, some time soon in the future, I'm going to write an article on how to adapt something successfully. If there's any film makers out there trying to adapt a video game for the big screen, read that article I'm going to write.


OVER ALL: This was a disappointing month cinema. Only two major releases out of twelve got "A" ratings! I hope the rest of the year will make up for this.

The month of February, 2009 gets an "F"!

This is "The G-MAN" signing out!