Thursday, April 30, 2009

G-MAN reviews "X-MEN 3"

"X-MEN 3" was the first of the film series to not have Bryan Singer, & is the fifth highest opening day in film history, & I find both of those facts very sad, because "X-MEN 3" must be one of the worst super hero films ever made.

(Contains spoilers for "X2"!) The plot involves a "cure" for mutants, & the controversy following it. Obviously, Magneto & his the rest of the villains decide to take matters into their own hands, & the X-MEN have to stop him. Also, Jean Grey (who died at the end of "X2") comes back as "Phoenix", & then joins Magneto.

First off, THEY KILL CYCLOPES! It's not even a spoiler. I swear, he must less than five minutes of screen time!

Second, WERE IS NIGHT CRAWLER? Wasn't the most popular new character in the second film? I know, in "X-MEN: The Official Game" they explain why he's not in the third film, but I didn't get to finish that game.

Also, Rogue is whiny, & has very little significance to the story. It's hard to believe that in the first film, she was (ignoring Wolverine) the main character, but in the third film, she has very little to do with the story, & was almost useless.

The acting is also bad. I never thought that Hugh Jackman would ever give an average performance as Wolverine!

There's also this one scene I don't get were Logan (Wolverine) is in the back yard of the Xavier mansion, & in the next scene, he's in the woods. I can't even remember if the film even stopped to explain how this happened, it just happens!

But the worst thing is how there's too many characters. They try to fit in Colossus, Kitty Pryde, Angel, Leech, Beast. Just too many to count!

But is there anything that I like? Well, Patrick Stewart is still great as Professor Xavier, but it's just to bad that they (SPOILERS!!) kill him off!! Well thank you, Brett Ratner! Thank you for destroying the one good thing about this movie! Top notch!

HITS

Patrick Stewart's acting

MISSES

Too Many Characters
Cheesy Acting
Inconsistencies

OVER ALL: As you know by now, "X-MEN 3" SUCKS! But it's at least better than "Batman & Robin", "Cat Woman", "Highlander 2", & "The Spirit".

G-MAN gives "X-MEN 3" a "Poor Four" out of "Ten"!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

G-MAN reviews "X2: X-MEN United"

Okay, the first "X-MEN" movie surpassed the quality of many super hero films, so could the sequel improve upon the original? Guess what; they did!

"X2" starts out with a blue skinned mutant named Kurt Wagner (also known as "Nightcrawler" played by Alan Cumming), who's in the white house trying to assassinate the president of the United States. He fails, but escapes using his teleportation powers (I forgot to mention that he can teleport). This attempt causes the government to start a man hunt on mutants, starting with Professor Xavier's mansion. As you guessed, the government tries to take the residents of Xavier's mansion, but most of them escape, while some are captured. The remaining X-MEN members are forced to flee the government, save the captured mutants, & eventually have no choice but to join forces with the villains.

First off, the film has one of the best opening scenes ever! I can remember being in the theater when this first came out, & everyone clapped after the opening action sequence!

Once again, the acting is spot on. Hugh Jackman is still just as good as he was in the first film.

The music from John Ottman must be some of the best super hero film music ever. It's up there with John William's work in "Superman", & Danny Elfman's score in "Batman".

But the best thing is that the film manages to focus on the plot, unlike the first film, were it had very little plot, & a lot of characters.

HITS

Great Story
Great Acting
Great Opening
Great Music
Focuses on the Main Plot

MISSES

Just Not Perfect

OVER ALL: This is actually an improvement over the first film. If you loved the first film, or if you just love X-MEN comics, you'll probably love this film!

G-MAN gives "X2: X-MEN United" an "Awesome Nine" out of "Ten"!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

G-MAN reviews "X-MEN"

With the "Wolverine" movie coming out, I feel that it's necessary to review the first three "X-MEN" movies. Of course, I have to start it off with the original "X-MEN", starring Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellan, & Anna Paquin.

"X-MEN" begins with a congress meeting about a "Mutant Registration Act" from the fictional Senator Robert Kelly (the Jack Thompson of the marvel universe). As it suggests, it's a law for mutants, super powerful beings, to identify themselves & their abilities.
The film then flashes to Mississippi, were a young girl named Rogue (Anna Paquin) finds out about her mutant powers the hard way when she kisses a boy & causes him to go into a comma. Feeling guilty about this, she runs away to Canada. There she finds a mysterious man named Logan (Hugh Jackman), & manages to get a ride from him. Logan is ,apparently, so mysterious that even he doesn't know his own past, & he has the powers to heal quickly, as well as having retractable metal claws. But during the drive, they're attacked by mutant known as Saber Tooth (Tyler Mane). Although, they're both rescued by two other mutants & are taken to the Xavier mansion, owned by Professor Xavier (Patrick Stewart). Xavier uses the mansion as a school for mutants so they can control their powers & someday help defend humanity from Magneto (Ian McKellen), a mutant who's trying to wage war on all non-mutants & anyone who gets in his way.

The acting is great. Hugh Jackman is perfect as Logan/Wolverine because he understands how the character works. Patrick Stewart is, with no doubt, the best actor to portray Professor Xavier, & Ian McKellan was well casted for Magneto.

But the best thing about the film is that it manages to put some emotional scenes in with out making them feel mellow dramatic.

Although, what sucks about the film is that there was supposed to be around an extra forty minutes deleted from the film. This is bad because the final product ended up focusing more on the characters than a coherent plot. So it could have used those extra forty minutes.

HITS

Great Story
Great Adapting
Great Acting

MISSES

There wasn't much of a Coherent Plot
Could Have Used The Deleted Scenes

OVER ALL: Despite the main story not being that compelling, the characters are, & this film will appeal to fans & newcomers alike.

G-MAN gives "X-MEN" a "Great Eight" out of "Ten"!

Friday, April 24, 2009

Top three remakes I intend on seeing

As You know, I'm really pissed off by the amount of remakes that have been announced lately. I do intend on seeing a few of them in theaters, but mostly out of curiosity. Here's the list.

3: "They Live": As You know from My review, I loved the original, & I love 1980's B-movies for their cheesiness. Although, I'm only seeing the "They Live" remake to see how much the studio will screw it up.Okay, to be fair, it might be good, but that's more like wishful praying than a probability.


2: "Highlander": I'm not sure weather or not I'm really excited about this movie, but I do know that I'm seeing it in the theaters not only out of curiosity, but to hear Queen's "Princes of the Universe" in high volume stereo. I'll hype the film... depending on who's making it & who's staring in it. And also, if some studio executive says: "Queen's not hip any more, so we can't use the Queen music", I'll have to find the & then troll the producers on the internet.



1: "ROBOCOP": This one I'm actually excited for. Darren Aronofsky (who recently made the critical hit, "The Wrestler") has been confirmed to be directing. It's great to hear that a critically acclaimed director is making the film. Although, Aronofsky was supposed to do "Batman Begins", & was one of the many people who almost did "WATCHMEN". So this is the third super hero movie he's been offered. Lets just hope the third time's the charm, & that he won't be booted off of the project.

This is "The G-MAN" signing out!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

G-MAN's soap box: ChristianU2uber

Okay,I recently noticed all of this commotion over a video on You Tube. I thought I might as well talk about it.

Okay, the other day, I was watching a video by RandomDCE responding to a kid (who's You Tube account is "ChristianU2uber") telling people to stop calling him gay. I didn't think I'd ever hear about this again, but the next day, when I was browsing You Tube, there was a hell load of videos responding to & parodying the video. It's gotten so bad, that there's already an Encyclopedia Dramatica page about this kid! I'm honestly amazed by how fast this kid has become an internet meme. Here's the video people are going crazy over.



First, kid, I'm not going to call You a homo. I'm just gonna give You a little friendly advice. Just ignore the hate comments & hate videos. If You keep responding to internet rolls, You're only encouraging them, & it'll only make things worst for You. But if You ignore the hate comments & hate videos, the trolls will find it boring to insult You. And if people keep calling You gay, ignore them too. You know that You're not gay, so just ignore them all.

IN CLOSING: I find it unfair that a portion of this kid's tolls hate him because he's a Christian. Shouldn't it be a good thing that a kid his age is into religion? But back to the subject. Kid, if You listen to My advice, this should die out with in a few weeks, & You'll be happy that You listened to Me.

This is "The G-MAN" signing out!

Monday, April 13, 2009

G-MAN's Top Ten Most Hated Types of Fan Boys

Okay, a while back, I saw Spike.com's "Top ten Worst Types of fan Boys". I thought it was a lame list, & most of the fan boy types shouldn't have been even considered to be on the list. So, I made up My own list of fan boy types that I think should be on this list. Oh, & one more thing. In My opinion, there's no such thing as "a fan girl". From My point of view, it doesn't matter if You're a guy or a girl, if You obsess over some thing in pop culture to the point of insanity, You're a fan boy. Okay, time to start the list.

10: Nintendnerds-
I've had it up to here with Nintendo fan boys saying: "Mario Brothers is the greatest game of all time!" Give Me a break! "Mario" is only okay. I find it sad that critics & gamers are diluted by the fact that "Mario Bros." was innovative. Look, just because some thing is innovative, that doesn't mean it's going to be great forever. Because I'm more into films than I am video games, that gives Me the chance to realize that Nintendo's games don't offer much.

9: Star Wars Fans-
These people just can't except that the series is technically over. They're so obsessive of this series, that they'll literally create a complete biography of a character who only showed up in the background of one scene! I love the movies & all, but do some thing more productive with Your lives other than writing fan fiction.

8: Angry video Game Nerds-
In case You don't know, the Angry Video Game Nerd is an internet personality who pretty much created this whole sub genre of angry reviewers. Unfortunately, when ever there's a new reviewer, they'll just point fingers at the guy & shout out: "RIP OFF! RIP OFF!" I even remember when I was looking in the comments section of one of The Movie Preview Critic's videos (by the way, he makes great videos. Here's his You Tube page), & I saw this comment of some one stating: "Any one who does reviews is a rip off of AVGN". That comment shows how full of crap AVGN's fan base. They're so obnoxious, than James Rolfe, the Angry Video Game Nerd him self, has admmited that he finds his fan base annoying, & he actually happens to be a fan of many of the supposed "rip offs".

7: Anime fan Boys-
First off, I really hate anime. I don't hate all anime, in fact, I happen to like "Spirited Away". I fand that most (not all) anime is too campy (the bad dubbing & those swirling effects). But enough about anime, I'm here to tlk about anime fan boys. The thing that's sickening abot the anime fan base is that they'll find a show, worship it, & once it loses popularity, they cast it out like a leper. Some loyal following!

6: X-BOX 360 fan boys-
These guys are pain in My @$$. When ever there's a game that ISN'T available for the X-BOX 360, they'll bash. If it's NOT for X-BOX 360, but then it's ported to the 360, they'll stop bashing it. These guys are sore losers!

5: The Furries-
Dear Lord, these guys scare the crap out of Me! These people actually have sexual fetishes for anthropomorphic animals! No comment there!

4: Teeny Boppers-
These moronic girls are responsible for the destruction of our child hood's most precious film studio, Disney! Thanks to Miley Cyrus & the Jonas Brothers, we don't get any good Saturday morning cartoons any more (I miss "Gargoyles")! What's even worse is that the Teeny Boppers have had the guts to tell Me that the Jonas Brothers are the greatest rock/pop band of all time. In case You missed that, let Me say it one more time. They think the Jonas Brothers are better than Survivor, Queen, The Beatles, The Who, Elvis, Billy Jole, David Bowie, Micheal Jackson, Bon Jovi, Led Zeppelin, Guns n' Roses, Metallica, Van Halen, Rick Astley, Bob Dylan, The Grateful Dead, Elton John, Pink Floyd, Jimi Hendrix, The Proclaimers, ZZ Top, Kiss, The Police, Prince, Foreigner, REO Speed Wagon, Alice Cooper, & the list goes on!!!!!!!!

3: The Dark Knights-
While I think "The Dark Knight" is the best film of the decade (so far), the fan boys really piss Me off. These people have been to send threats to critics who don't like the film, or just don't give a perfect score. What ever happened to the concept of opinions? Look, if I saw a review of "The Dark Knight" & the critic says the movie sucks, I'd just say the guy is full of crap & he knows it, but I'm not going to threaten them into liking it!

2: The Twihards-
If You've read My "G-MAN's soap box" on the whole "Stephen King bashing Twilight" incident, You can tell that I hate "Twilight". But more recently, the fan base has been resorting to violence when some says that "Twilight" sucks, or it's only okay. I mean, come on! When ever some one says that the Bible sucks, most people's reaction (including Mine) is: "why must You be a jack-ass?" Like, I don't hear a lot about people acting out violence in the name the Bible, but people are acting out violence in the name of "Twilight"! There was one incident were a group of fans broke a girl's arm when she said that the book is only okay. And there was another incident (which happened at a Catholic school, making it even more disturbing) were a Twihard hit a girl with the French copy of "Twilight", & then, using her fake finger nails, caused an infectious gash in the girl's eye! Yes, people. "Twilight", literally, makes Your eyes bleed.








1: The ICPDF (Insane Clown Posse Defense Force)-
Sure, the previous fan boys have resorted to violence but at least they haven't murdered some one (or at least not yet!). In case You don't know, The Insane Clown Posse is a horror rap group. But when ever the fans find some one who trash talks about the band, they will (some times) resort to vandalism, arsine, & even MURDER in the name of their band! If You disrespect the band, You're an enemy. If You disrespect the band's record company, You're an enemy. If You disrespect any friends of the band, You're an enemy. And if You like some one who's in competition with the band, You're an enemy AND the fans are setting their sites on You! The ICPDF has been known to go to Eminem concerts, & attack the audience members as they leave the building! What is wrong with these people?!? THESE PEOPLE ARE GROWN MEN!!!! And also, to the ultra-violent fan boys, I'm pretty sure that the band is pissed as hell when ever You do stuff like this, & possibly even consider quiting to protect innocent people's lives! (P.S. I did NOT insult the band)

IN CLOSING: Fan boys are already a pain in the @$$, but I never thought fan boys would actually resort to threats & violence! So yeah, I just wanted to put up My opinion on the subject.

This is "The G-MAN" signing out!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

G-MAN reviews "The Jimmy Massey Story"

Sorry about not updating the blog in a while, but I'm a busy guy. Okay, time to review the film.
On March 19, 2009, I saw an advanced screening of a documentary known as: "From Mills River To Babylon & Back: The Jimmy Massey Story" (or, if You want a shorter title, just call it "The Jimmy Massey Story"). Here's the review.

The film chronicles the life of ex-war veteran (& currant peace activist) Jimmy Massey. Jimmy Massey was a recruiter for the army, but during the war in Iraq, he quit, because of feeling guilty for genocide. The film also focuses on his currant life as a peace activist.

When going into the film, I didn't expect to like it, but I came shocked by the stuff I found out about the war. The director of the film, Joseph C Stillman, spent four years working on the film, & I think it paid off.

The ONLY problem I had was that I found out that there was about ruffly fifty hours worth of footage shot, & the movie must been about an hour & a half.

HITS

Shocking
Eye Opening
A Real Surprise
Worth The Four Years Of Filming

MISSES

A Lot Of potentially Good Footage Left Out

OVER ALL: I'm not a real expert on documentaries, but this just might be the best documentary I've ever seen in My life. I hope that after it's released, it'll get an Academy award nomination for "Best Documentary". And if I introduce "Best Documentary" to My G-MAN Awards next year, I'll nominate it.

G-MAN gives "From Mills River To Babylon & Back: The Jimmy Massey Story" an "Awesome Nine" out of "Ten"!