Friday, August 28, 2009

G-Man's Soapbox: Another Remake!

Rob Zombie is remaking "The Blob".



Oh, Robert "Zombie" Cummings, in there anything you won't remake? According to Variety, Rob Zombie is working on an R-rated $30 million dollar remake of the 1950s cult classic.

The original, starring Steve McQueen, is about a man-eating red goo that lands in a field, & terrorizes a small town.

Zombie describes his remake as "My intention is not to have a big red blobby thing -- that's the first thing I want to change...that gigantic Jello-looking thing might have been scary to audiences in the 1950s, but people would laugh now."

Robert Bartleh Cummings....., you're on crack. Not only has the film already been remade, but if you don't make it a "big red blobby ting", then it's not The Blob! It's a wannabe that's been labeled "The Blob"!
Besides, if it's not gonna be a jell-o monster, then what's it gonna look like? Oh, wait. I think I've figured out the design... a white trash killer! Just like Michael Myers in Rob Zombie's "Halloween"!

Also, you HAVE to keep the theater run-out scene.

(Blob-Fest 2009 run-out)




Also, why even remake it? We've already got two great Blob films; the 1950s original & the 1980s remake, so why remake it again? And of all people, why Rob Zombie? It sounds like a parody! Rob Zombie's "The Blob"! How can you not chuckle as the sound of that?

Rob Zombie, this picture is dedicated to you.

This is "The G-MAN" signing out!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

BIG NEWS!

Reelz channel has finally realized that people are sick of "The Two Bens" (am I the only one who thinks "The Two Bens" sounds like a 1970s R&B-Soul group?), & that enough is enough. The two hacks, Ben Lyons & Ben Mankiewicz, have been fired from At The Movies! Starting September 5th, 2009, the show will be taken over by A.O. Scott & Michael Phillips.


(A.O. Scott) (Michael Phillips)










Personally, I wish they would have picked Leonard Maltin & Peter Travers, but A.O. Scott & Michael Phillips are a great choices too.












(Right: Leonard Maltin) (Left: Peter Travers)


I know that I've had problems with Michael Phillips, but a lot has changed since I complained about him in my At The Movies review (more like a rant). I've grown to find him a lot more trust worthy in his reviews (even if you don't like him, you've got to admit that he's a lot more reliable than "The Two Bens").








That's all I have to say. I just wanted to let you know the good news. This is "The G-MAN" signing out!

G-MAN reviews "District 9"

I finally got back from seeing the eagerly anticipated District 9, & did it live up to the hype? No. IT SURPASSED IT!

Just to warn you, I'm gonna be very restrictive in this review. Seeing how the film's marketing has been very mysterious, I don't want to give away any spoilers.

The film takes place in Johannesburg, South Africa, were in the 1980's, an alien ship breaks down & just hovers over the city. The government decides to let the creatures stay, but due to riots & paranoia, the creatures (dubbed as "prawns") are forced to live in a slum called District 9.

Fast forward to the current day. An office clerk by the name of Wikus van der Merwe working for a weapons research company MNU (Multinational United) is chosen to lead a team relocating the creatures. But things go awry when Wikus is exposed to alien technology, & MNU try to study him (remember, I'm trying to avoid spoiling it).

What's great about this movie is the character development. The appeal of Wikus is that he's a normal guy, & not a Jason Statham type of character. I was also surprised to find that the aliens are also very well developed characters.

This movie reminds me of the 1970s pre-Star Wars sci-fi films. What I mean by that is some of the fictional technology looks futuristic, but everything else looks very 1970s (or in this case, everything else looks very 2000s).

It's also very effective having parts of film being presented as a documentary.

My only problem with the movie is that there's a vague anti-capitalist feel to it. It's not really anti-capitalist as much as it is anti-greed or anti-corruption, but seeing how I'm a huge fan of capitalism, I do have problem with this. To everyone who hates capitalism, three words: "Read Ayn Rand!"
Although, seeing how the film is more anti-greed & anti-corruption than it is anti-capitalism, I'm willing to forgive this aspect of the film.

But to any parents who might be taking their kids to see this, expecting it to be an alien movie that kids will enjoy, I highly recommend that you change plans about bringing your kids (that is if they're under 14-years-old). This movie is rated "R" for a good reason.

HITS

Great Story
Great Characters
Great Action
Great Special Effects
Old School Sci-Fi
Documentary Style Scenes Are Very Effective

MISSES

I Don't Like The Vague Anti-Capitalist Themes (Minor Flaw)

OVER ALL: This film is up there with the original Planet of the Apes movie, & I think it'll go down in cinema history being as well regarded as that classic. Not only that, but it's also this year's Dark Knight. Check it out!

G-MAN gives "District 9" a "Perfect Ten" out of "Ten"!